Expecting a baby and need more money, but he wants to stay at home and care for his grandmother

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2011
Expecting a baby and need more money, but he wants to stay at home and care for his grandmother
14
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 3:22pm

My fiance and i are expecting a baby. I'm working two non-profit jobs but I am only bringing in about 1100 a month. I need him to work and help so that we can get our own place together and get on our feet, but he refuses to leave his grandmother. He has taken on the role of her primary care giver (feeding, bathing, diaper changing, ect.), but I feel its not his responsibility; he's only a grandchild and he is breaking down his body and is in cnstant pain lifting on her and caring for her. When I suggest a place to move, he accuses me of trying to take him away from his grandmother. He feels like he owes it to her to stay because she raised him, but it seems to me like he has already chosen his wife; her. I buy food and other things for them both, but when he gets money, he won't even give me gas money. Should I just move away and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

I too am a carer - it's not a job one can just walk away from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

If Travea and her boyfriend live in the States, there is no carer pension; she is the sole provider.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

The decision to leave is a choice that you have to make for yourself. Also depending on where you live some states pay for relatives to take care of a disabled relative. I have a girlfriend in Virginia that is being paid by the state to care for her uncle.

Asking

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

First of all, what do you really expect him to do w/ his grandma?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Grandma must get some kind of Social Security.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Actually most states do not have a program to take care of the elderly in their homes, which is why a lot of elders end up in nursing homes because Medicaid will pay for a nursing home, which is much more expensive -- does that make sense?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2010

I have an idea.....why don't you simply help him with the care of his granny, understanding that this is just a temporary situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

It's possible that some states do not have in-home care for the indigent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2011

Why are the elderly considered so dispensible as if they have no value?

I worked in a Nursing home at one time too, it was awful, short staffed all the time, inadequate care, and many lonely heartbroken sick and elderly people whose choices were taken from them along with their dignity.

I commend anyone who chooses to care for their loved one at home.

I know my mother and my grandmother had better care at home by people who loved them than they ever would have had in a Nursing home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Why do you need him to give you money? Why are you working non-profit jobs? What if he demanded you give up your jobs to help him care for his grandmother, would you do it?

He is accusing you of trying to take him away from his grandmother because that's what you're doing.

I'm not sure why you can't be capable of taking care of yourself.

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