Ex's that are in still in love

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Ex's that are in still in love
20
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 7:11pm
What is with ex's and them still trying to contact you after they made a point of moving on? My ex and I have been broken up for over a year. We talked throughout the breakup and still knew we loved each other but needed the space. In June of '03 he started to date someone. So I figured okay we are over. However in September of '03 I get a note from him saying how much he still loves me and always will. Then I run into him on Thanksgiving weekend and we end up sleeping together. I don't understand how he could possibly be in any type of relationship if he still has these strong feelings for me? Am I just kidding myself or does he need to grow up and figure s**t out without me or his girlfriend?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 1:15pm
ITA james!!! great post.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 4:50pm

People can be confused for a long time. Your ex husband can still love you, but be unable or uncertain if he wants to be in a "marriage". All the committment and responsibility may be too much for him. Or, sometimes a man begins to crave freedom to play around, although he still cares about ihs wife. It's a regression of a kind - he wants to be young again and carefree. In time he often realizes that he misses his ex - and even attempts to get close again so as not to lose her. This is a way to keep an anchor and also not let the former partner go. It is not a good thing for you. You do not need to have your feelings and hopes rock and roll. You need clarity about the relationship so you can move on. Therefore, unless he wants to truly be a partner to you and return, it's better not to keep this going. The tie you have for one another can prevent you from making the break you need to make and starting again. I've seen this kind of back and forth situation go on for many years, leaving both people nowhere. Find out where he's really at. Does he want to return and work on the relationship? If he is clear and serious about it, that is one thing. But if he's dilly dallying, just say no.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 2:46pm
Gosh you guys certainly have some pent up anger, thought I'd get some good advice from this, but obiviously got some bitter people who have way too much time on their hands.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 2:47pm
You guys really don't have anything to do? HuH?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 2:49pm
Thanks for the feedback, I've got nothing but negative feedback from this message board, so its nice to finally get something positive. I think deep down that I know I need to move on from him, but it is hard when you have known that person for a long time. Thanks for the advice and I know I will be moving on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 3:02pm
Hmm, I'm not really looking for anything, I do know what it is like to be in love and who are you stay that I don't? I was with this guy for 6 years sweetie, you don't stay with someone for that long just "because". I take full responsiblity for sleeping with him I mean I love the guy who wouldn't do that if put into a similar situation? I'm just saying that I know for a fact that he would've never cheated on me when we were together, for christ sake we were almost to the freakin altar. I just wanted some insight, and instead I got a bunch of negative feedback from people who have know idea the depth of our relationship. I'm not holding out for him and I don't believe we will ever get back together I just wanted to know why a person would do that when in fact they do have a girlfriend.

I guess you aren't the person I was looking for help from. You really shouldn't have this much anger and hate towards people, its not healthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 3:08pm

I'm not holding out for him and I don't believe we will ever get back together I just wanted to know why a person would do that when in fact they do have a girlfriend.


I think you really misunderstood the point of my post, you yourself "don't understand why he would do that if he had a girlfriend."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 5:59pm
Huh???

I was quoting *you* when you said 'I guess you have never been in love before' to me. Read post #9 again. It is an offensive thing to say isn't it?

I don't think you got what I was saying at all.

It is amazing that you can come here and blame everyone for their 'anger' and also blame your ex for sleeping with you. Do you have the maturity and insight to take any responsibility here?

You wrote:

'who wouldn't do that if put into a similar situation?'

A lot of people with morals and values that aren't conducive to sleeping with someone who has a girlfriend.

He now cheats on his girlfriend. That is a fact. Maybe he didn't cheated on you before but he is now someone who does. Doesn't that impact you?





Edited 2/13/2004 6:07:01 PM ET by ciao_gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 12:12pm
bipper....you say about sleeping with your X "i love the guy, who wouldn't do that if put in a similar situation?"...well i for one wouldn't sleep with a man in such a situation...and not just cause he's got a girlfriend, but i'd wonder "what does he want from me?"....i could see if he wanted to talk and work things out, thats one thing...but if an X asked me to sleep with him on a whim, not gonna happen.

and what does being "almost to the freakin alter" have to do with cheating?....have you heard married people cheat too?...and engaged couples?

i'd wonder why you didn't get to the alter after 6 years dating.

anyway, as for feedback to your question of why a guy would sleep with another woman when he has a girlfriend, you're kidding right?....sad to say men (and women) do that all the time for varied reasons....some reasons can be simply he found a female to say "yes".

good luck!

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 12:14pm
oh and ps, maybe he and his girlfriend aren't exclusive sexually at this point?...so maybe he wasn't cheating on her?

honey

    

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