ex's behavior confusing me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2007
ex's behavior confusing me
3
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 9:57pm

Hi Board -


I'm fairly new to the board, but I am looking for some much needed advice here - I am really stuck:


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 10:23pm

He doesn't want to get back together with you, he just misses you and it hurts to see you move on - yes, even when he did the breaking up.

That doesn't mean you should be together anymore. It's not wise for two people to remain in contact after a breakup. You should sever contact until at least you are healed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 12-18-2007 - 1:55pm

Welcome to the board twiggy25,


When a relationship ends, there is a grief process to go through. It's normal to feel lonely, to reach out, to feel weak, seek comfort etc. but it doesn't mean the two people are getting back together or that they should get back together. If he's not specifically saying "I think I acted rashly and I would like to see if we can make this work." then don't feed yourself false hope.


You might want to follow the link in my siggy below to the Breaking up is Hard to do board for additional input.


Relationship Grieving Process

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-18-2007 - 3:14pm

Well, clearly he misses he and perhaps has some feelings about getting back together again. He doesn't sound at all clear about what's going on inside of himself (no one who blames another for everything does). So, he's not really aware of why he broke off. It's inevitable that he would miss you and want to get back...but it's also likely that whatever it is that caused him to break off will pop up again. Let him know that it's important for him to understand himself and what really caused him to break away. He may have been having feelings about you or your family, but the way to deal with them is not to run away...but to get help if need be, in communicating and working out his inner issues as well. Perhaps he is ready to do so. See where he's at. Let him know that it's never only one person's fault and that blame is not even the issue. Understanding is what is needed here. See if he's willing to get some help in understanding himself and the relationship and working things through. If he is, then there's a chance for both of you.


Best wishes,