FaceBook!! (LONG)
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| Fri, 08-24-2007 - 9:32am |
it all started...with FACEBOOK!!!
i've been on facebook for about 6 months or so, my husband never really knew about it, not cause it was a secret, but because he's not a computer guy, he doesn't really care about things like that (or so i thought), so i never thought to bring it up. so, he finds out from a friend of his that i'm on this thing, he goes on to check it out, and sees our pictures, pictures of our kids, our trip to cuba...you know, all the usual nice family pics you'd post to show off your beautiful new family, right? WRONG!!!! he flipped!!! he demanded that i get off of facebook and stop posting his picture and pictures of his kids on this website taht EVERYONE can see!! so right away, i became defensive because "YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO"!!! was my first reaction. he continued to call me immature, saying he can't understand how i could be so dumb to post pictures of our family on this thing, "i don't understand how you can NOT see what's wrong with this..." blahblahblah, he went on and on for about 10 minutes!!!!
Now, keep in mind, all 55 of my friends that i have on my facbook are all girls, from elementary school, high school, old friends etc. no guys!! for this EXACT reason!!! all my friends have pictures of their weddings, their kids etc.
SO...am i wrong to NOT remove myself from facebook??? i think my whole point about this is that there is absolutely NO REASON for me to cancel this!!! i'm not doing anything wrong!! i've changed my profile to private so that only the people i've added as "MY FRIENDS" can see our pics.
lets add this fight in there as well, cause this is how it all started!!! our latest fight (last night) about me going out with my girlfriends (clubbing) tonight, for my 28th BIRTHDAY... he thinks that because i go "out" once a month (at the most) with my friends to a club (only on special occassions, bdays, bachlorettes etc, not cause i'm "not allowed" to go out more, but b/c i've done all that when i was younger, i have 3 kids now, and once and a while is enough for me now) i'm immature!! he says to me "are you ever going to grow up?" are you always going to want to go out clubbing?? so, i said yes, i will always want to go out to celebrate at a club, i like to get dressed up and go out dancing with my friends!! that is NEVER going to change!! needless to say, we're not speaking right now!! i AM going out tonight, i AM going to have a great time, because i TRULY feel that i'm not wrong about any of this!!
do you think i'm wrong in any of this?? should i stand my ground??!! I'M SO MAD AT HIM FOR BEING SUCH A JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks
Tania

Welcome to the board Tania,
It seems like your husband is controlling? Is he controlling in any other areas? In regards to the facebook thing, I think he is concerned about strangers that could get your information since it is on the web for everyone to see.
glitter-graphics.com
I think as a husband and father he is quite rational in this. I am a firm believer that plastering pictures of your children online is wrong. There are so many people in the world that would use your children's pictures for their own pleasure (in their own sick way) and your husband can't protect them if you are handing them the pics.
I don't agree that he should demand that you stop but I think you need to be more conscience of not plastering the internet with your children's pictures.
Cinder
'yes, i will always want to go out to celebrate at a club,'
Maybe he thinks you should be more mature and not go 'clubbing' like a single 21 year old.
'i like to get dressed up and go out dancing with my friends!! that is NEVER going to change!!'
No offense, but your post makes you out to seem a little immature. I can't imagine saying that to my husband.
Is he worried about posting photos of the kids on line? Can you two have a nice conversation about his fears without yelling?
Is he controlling? That could be an additional issue
Edited 8/24/2007 3:29 pm ET by ciao__gina
Sorry, I think you're very wrong in this instance.
I do think it's OK to post your own pictures on the internet. But it's not OK to post pictures of others without gaining their permission first.
Like you, I have a website with family photos on. However, I wouldn't dream of putting my family pics on there without first running it by my husband. Ethically, he should have 100% say in what happens with his pictures and he should have 50% say in what happens to our kids pictures.
Not everyone is comfortable in having their pictures on the internet. While you and I don't have this issue, we must respect those who feel differently.
If your husband doesn't want pictures of himself or his children (yes, he gets to make decisions about them too) posted online then he has every right to say so. You are allowed to have your own profile that is yours, but you can't post pictures of people without their permission. You should take those down if he feels uncomfortable.
I'm not going to say that your husband is completely right, but have you ever stopped to think that perhaps your behavior MIGHT be a little immature? Clubbing is not the same as prostituting yourself on a street corner, I know that, but it's not exactly where you'd expect to find a married mom of three. I got over the club scene by the time I finished college and I find it to be pretty immature now. I guess you're entitled to have your fun, but I have to say that I see where he's coming from with this.
You also seem to be very one-sided on these issues.
"that is NEVER going to change!!"
"i AM going out tonight, i AM going to have a great time"
If you are not open to compromise or hearing him out, regardless of who is "right" or "wrong," then you're not being a very good communicator. He's a husband and father watching you go out and party like a college student, maybe he feels old/left out when you do this? Either you're going to have to stop going out or he's going to have to be more accepting, but you have to be able to talk about it and not get into a fight or give one another the silent treatment.