Faking it

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Faking it
4
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 12:59am
Well lets get right to the point. I've been involved with a great guy for the past three months, and I have broken one of the cardinal rules of sex: faking orgasms. When I got together with this guy he told me flat out that he would never want me to fake it but I guess I really wanted him to feel that he was pleasing me. Now I am stuck in a situation where I feel that if I tell him what I need there is going to be no way around spilling the beans, and the guilt I have from leading him on in that sense is making it even more difficult for me to enjoy sex. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can work around this issue without making him feel like crap and without me looking like a total idiot (not to mention decietful person in general)? I know it sounds horrible. I've never had this problem before and it is such a sensitive issue, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: bubbly_toes
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 2:47pm
First, stop faking it and when you are having trouble be honest about what you want or need and state truthfully, I'm having trouble at this moment (relaxing or whatever) and if you know why tell him, if you don't ask for his help.....

Have you posted on the Let's Talk about Sex board.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: bubbly_toes
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 3:19pm
What about starting a conversation about your favorite things to do in bed or about how you can really please each other. Tell you that you really like intercourse but you *love* __________. Maybe he will see that your reaction is even greater then the 'faking' and continue to do it. You don't have to admit to anything then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
In reply to: bubbly_toes
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 4:35pm
Wow! Three months of faking orgasms. You really must be getting frustrated. You NEED to tell him what you want. Most guys want to know what you like. Don't tell him you've been faking. Just suggest. Say things like, "that feels great, but I would like it even more if you did it like this..." Any lover I've ever had has appreciated input and suggestions. Make it a game. You can only end up with a more exciting love life. Imagine going on the way you have for the rest of your life...

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: bubbly_toes
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 5:03pm
How he feels when you discuss it with him is not your responsibility. A mature man will WANT to know how to please you and will take pride in his ability to do so, or that's been my experience anyway. I always held to the rule that if 2 people weren't comfortable talking about sex, they shouldn't be doing it. Communication is the key here. How he handles it and behaves from then on is his issue. And if he handles it badly or immaturely, I'd think that would be something you'd want to know about him anyway (not exactly a great quality for building a healthy relationship).