Fear Of Committment
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| Thu, 08-02-2007 - 10:08pm |
I am 44 and my bf is soon to be 49. We have been dating for 3 years(lived together the past 1 year). In the beginning of the relationship, off and on we talked about marriage. Last night, he told me that we had agreed in the beginning that marriage was just a piece of paper - blew me away. Considering 2 months ago his ex was engaged and we discussed marriage again - the ex's engagement is off now adn according to my bf he is never getting married again. He has been married twice and I have once - he said that both divorces devasted him and he can't go through that pain and hurt again. I am more traditional and strongly believe in marriage.
He and his 1st ex had no children but he and his 2nd ex have 4 boys - age 4,11,12,and 14. I understand that he and his ex are friends and spend time together because of the boys. However, she left him 2 weeks after the youngest born and they both say they never want to reconcile. She is only 37 and he is too old for her tastes now. I have one daughter who is 19 and is not an issue as she is away at college. My ex and I have little or no communication. My family is not a factor but his is...
We do love each other and love spending time together - the relationshop is great for the most part-but issue of no marriage in the future which is important to me has blown me away. I think daily about getting my own place but I do truly love this man...do men ever overcome this fear of committment or should I just move on????

I'm confused by what you've written
He said that in the begninning, you and he had agreed that marriage was just a piece of paper. But you wrote here that marriage is very important to you.
So, I'm wondering where he got the idea that you agreed about marriage being a piece of paper. Did you ever say this?
I never agreed to anything in the beginning and we have talked about marriage several times....so I am not sure where he is coming from now? All of sudden he is afraid of being devasted again by divorce....we don't and never will have any children together as he was financial devasted by his 2nd divorce that would not happen with us. I guess cohabitation is good enough for him even though he is the one who brought up marriage the 1st time. I am not sure why he has changed his mind?