Fear is hurting the relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Fear is hurting the relationship
2
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 1:01pm
I have been the first significant other my boyfriend has had in years. He was hurt really bad by three different women. Everytime he let his guard down he got hurt, they cheated. Well I have captured his heart after all these years. Now that he has fallen in love, he is afraid that he is going to get hurt. He has a fear that I am going to do him like the others and cheat. We have discussed marriage and everything but he has this big fear that I will cheat on him like the others. We have discussed it and even mentioned having him see a professional as to why he can't let go of this fear. What can I do to help him overcome this emotion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 2:59pm
ammmib...

Pianoguy thinks you should PROCEED CAUTIOUSLY with this man!

After striking out 3 previous times with women who hurt him badly...very few of us are ready (or willing) to pick up the baseball bat and attempt to hit a home-run a 4th time? You might be the most loving woman on this planet...but you can't UNDO the damage that your 3 predecessors have done.

You didn't mention how long the 2 of you have been seeing each other, but...if it has been less than 2 years...COOL IT with the marriage talk...okay? The more time you give him to reassure himself and regain his confidence...the easier it'll be for your b/f to buy the ring and pop the question!

Best of luck....with lots of patience....

Pianoguy

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 3:48pm
The only thing you can really do is show him how much you love and care for him. The rest is going to be up to him to overcome. Counselling could help. But once trust is lost it is hard to get back even though it was other girls and not yourself that hurt him. good luck