Feel hopeless and alone. Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-1998
Feel hopeless and alone. Please help!
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 2:24pm

I’m sad and thought I would turn to you lovely ladies to see if you might be able to offer me some advice.

I just turned 40 three days ago. Turning 40 wasn’t such a big deal but the symbolism of it all and the timing in terms of where I am in my life has been difficult for me. I feel like my life and my dreams have passed me by. All my life I dreamt of having a family. Now that I am 40 and have no children it is hitting me hard and I am realizing that my window of opportunity is getting smaller by the minute. I did get married and that did not work out and I guess it is a good thing that we did not have kids since we are divorced and he lives in another country. However, the dreams I had as a child, as a teenager and as a young adult never fully materialized as I had hoped (even regards to my career) and now I am feeling a deep, deep sadness and loss that is permeating my existence.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 5:18pm

Brookita, I've bumped this post because it missed it the first time around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 1:21pm

oh; My..

You are the same poster that posted about not having kids and wanting to run away.. Now it all makes more sense to me. If you are being abused then the story changes.

I know exactly why you are feeling the way you feel. You want to change your life, job, get a baby but the underlying dilemma is that you are being abused by your boyfriend.. I was in an abusive marriage (now divorced) and it makes you feel like you cant think clearly. I was always looking for ways outside of myself to fix what I thought was me.. but little did I know it was the abuse I was taking from my ex.. We all seem to look for external things to make us happy when we are in abusive relationships. I used to have a job traveling so that alleviated alot of the abuse from my ex. I did all of the outward things I could do to think this would help me. Guess what?? It never did.

Please dont bring a baby into this mix.. but look for ways to find your way out from this current relationship.. Get into some individual counseling or call a domestic abuse hotline and see what programs or classes or someone you can speak with concerning his abuse. This will lead you into a direction of peace within yourself and you will find your way out step by step. Trust me when I got out of my abusive marriage my life turned in a so much better direction. It was hard at first but I no longer looked for outside sources to make me happy.. I searched within and found all of the resources I needed where in me and me alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 6:05pm

I'm not a woman but I am a father who has enjoyed being a dad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 7:50pm

Hay Borrkita,

I am a 47 year old woman.