Feeling Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Feeling Confused
3
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:29pm
I have only been married for 7 months now, and I don't feel that my husband is treating me the way I should be treated. For example, today, he just left the house without saying anything - I didn't even know that he left! I thought he was in the garage. He returned 45 minutes later and pretends that everything is ok. When I asked him where did he go, he said that he went to his car, but didn't plan on going anywhere, and then decided to pick up some dinner. I have yet to talk to him about this, as he has left again to go to a meeting. Right now, I am feeling angry, confused, and like I'm being treated like s***

Please tell me if I am overreacting to this...I feel that he should have at least let me know that he was leaving or call me from his cell phone! Right now, I don't even feel like being in the same room with him...I don't understand why he would do something like this.

Any suggestions/thoughts would be appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:59pm

I hope that Dr. Shoshanna sees this post, because I am not really sure of what to say. It sounds like to me that you need to talk to him, set up boundaries and courtesies that you expect and would like from him, and that you will return the same respect.


If you weren't married, I'd advise

 

-amy-    "CL-fiesty"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:17pm
First thing, try to take a deep breath, and not be mad. You are smart to nip this in the bud now!!!!!

In a very playful and sultry way, teach your husband what your expectations are. I feel the same way. The one time my husband left without kissing me good bye first, I actually thought something bad had happened to him. Kissing before one of us leaves the house, is a playful ritual we established at the beginning of our marriage.

I would not get all worked up over it. Keep things light. People just need to learn what is important to their lovers, and what is not. Thats what makes marriage so much fun!! The discovery of it all. Try not to be hurt by this, your husband did not mean to hurt you on purpose, which is really what matters. ( I know some married couples that intentionally torture eachother.) that is not the case here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 2:58am

hi and hugs! the first years of marriage are about adjusting to each other, it would be helpful if you tried not to get angry or hurt - but learnt how to communicate in a loving and positive way. I am assuming that your husband is a good guy, and has no intention of hurting you. so what can you do?


first - understand that you are two *DIFFERENT* people, and in many aspects there is no "right" or "wrong" way of doing things, only "different" ways. you were both raised in different homes - maybe in your home, your dad always kissed mom goodbye, so you grew up "knowing" that that was how YOUR marriage would be. and maybe he grew up in a different way.


second - you need to talk with him, not in an angry or frustrated way. but talk WITH him - about how you view marriage, and what you need, etc. use "I" words and not "YOU MAKE ME FEEL...", i.e., "I feel sad when you left without saying goodbye" and not "you made me feel unwanted when you left". and courtesy is something that he may have to learn, but you will have to be patient. together - you will decide what the 'norm' will be.


third - i don't know if you have a "life" outside your marriage. work, friends, hobbies? its very important not to put your entire happiness on your spouse's shoulders.


good luck