FEELING GUILTY ABOUT CHEATING
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FEELING GUILTY ABOUT CHEATING
| Fri, 06-04-2004 - 6:10pm |
HOW CAN I COPE WITH THIS FEELING OF GUILT WITHOUT HAVING TO TELL MY BOYFRIEND THAT I CHEATED??
| Fri, 06-04-2004 - 6:10pm |
I guess if you truely love him you should tell him otherwise it will alway's eat away at you and your relationship. who know it might even make your relationship stronger
Godd luck
Personally I don't believe you love your guys as much as you say you do because you've cheated several times and now you're lying to him. I understand why you feel hiding it is the best thing, you know him well enough to know that he would end the relationship. Are you positive you want to stay with your bf for "love"? Could it be that you know he's dependable and feel comfortable in that? I dont know, I'm just speculating.
I'm just curious as to why you cheated. Was the other guy sexier, more exciting, better listener? Maybe thats not something you want to talk about, but I really am curious because I know a girl who cheated on her bf, never told him, and last week she just got engaged to him so I'd like to learn a little bit about what goes on in other people's heads.
You say that this has happened before. Did your BF find out about that time, or did you keep it a secret again?
The problem is, something is driving you to cheat on your BF -- and the fact that it has happened before in the past, and is happening again now, leads me to believe that it will repeat again in the future until the problem is solved within YOU. Are you ready for a live-in relationship? Do you just feel the need to meet guys and not be attached? I mean, you really cannot have your cake and eat it too. "You are wherever you go." So think through your underlying issues, desires, and motives. You are acting this way for a reason.
If you think that he is a bad BF, or you are not receiving attention from him, why not communicate with him and try to make this work before going somewhere else for your needs? Just like drinking is not an excuse for cheating, I also don't believe in the "I am lacking in this area in my relationship" excuse. Are there issues that drive you away from him? If you feel you have tried every approach and he isn't what you want, isn't making you truly happy where you feel the need to keep seeking other men, you need to break up with him. Let's face it, if you were happy and fulfilled, and/or ready for this type of relationship, you wouldn't cheat not once, twice..... Perhaps this is not the right man for you.
The fact that your BF may not know, all together, that you are doing and have done this on the sly is a bit selfish of you in my opinion. This leaves him with no freedom of choice; he cannot choose if HE wants to remain in a relationship where his GF cannot be commmited or faithful to him. Does he trust you? It seems like you owe him the freedom of choice if you truly love him -- and the noble thing to do would be you dealing with the consequences that might include losing him. To some people cheating can be excused, but to him, it does't sound like it is. Based on what you wrote, that's a dealbreaker for him. Therefore, because of WHAT you will lose based on your needs and coverup of what you have done a few times, he loses his freedom of choice. You'd rather reap the gains, then lose out on something you claim is important to you.
Then again, I am not sure if you truly love him. You saying "Because I am an idiot" does not display you learning from previous mistakes. You knew what you were doing when it happened, now you just have to deal with the after affects -- it almost appears that you are sorry for the way you feel and the negative feelings associated with it, not that you truly did it again TO him. Regardless, if you two do not have an open relationship, and you find yourself participating in behavior that consists of lies and cheating, this isn't a healthy relationship to begin with. Take off the blinders and look within to see why you feel the need to be with other males and let it happen so easily. Is it just the sex? Is it the affection? Whatever the reason, it sounds like you need to step away from the relationship even if you don't choose to tell him. I think this space will be good for you and him and that in the near future, you will be sorry if you don't take time apart, when you feel "trapped" again or when you are admired by another male, or when your BF is not paying attention to you.
Please know I am not trying to be harsh since I agreed with the other posters opinions, just giving you a different take on the situation. Good luck.
G702
I was married to a cheater who brought home an STD to me, one that forced me to have a hysterectomy. I didnt think that I needed to keep getting checkups as regualr because I was married and all. Well, HPV doesnt always show signs. I went a few years without a OB/GYN visit and then found out that I had the onset of cervical cancer because of genital warts, which never showed - no outbreaks.
I didnt find all of this out for years after that (nightmare) marriage dissolved, and I was getting married to a new man.
My ex's cheating did more than hurt my pride and my feelings, it nearly ended my life and took me away from my children.
Something to think about anyway.