feeling guilty about having male friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
feeling guilty about having male friends
4
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 3:09pm

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, and we plan on moving in together in a few months. He is the greatest boyfriend a girl could ask for. The girlfriend he had before me, he was only with for a couple of months, but she cheated on him with a guy he knew through friends. So, he still was a bit damaged coming into our relationship.


My boyfriend does not like the fact that I have several male friends, one of which is an ex from 10 years ago, but we still get along really well. I have reassured my boyfriend that he is the only one for me several times, and that he doesn't need to worry, but he keeps on bringing up my ex and making me feel guilty. I want my boyfriend to feel he can trust me, I've never cheated on him, and would NEVER in the future. At the same time, I don't see why I should end a friendship I've had with my ex for such a long time because of his insecurities. Most of my girlfriends agree that I should be able to have male friends regardless...


Any suggestions on how I can get my boyfriend to feel more secure??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 3:50pm
Maybe you could make a deal with your BF that you will only see these male friends with him along. You might also try to limit how much time you speak to these friends on the phone or online. This is a problem for a lot of people. Some feel it is inappropriate to have friends of the opposite sex, especially if you are married. This seems to be a compromise many people can live with. I personally would not stand for my husband spending time alone with female friends and I know he would not like if I spent time with male friends. It is not out of mistrust but a sense of what is appropriate. However, that is us and it may not work for every one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 5:17pm

I don't think it is inappropriate for you to have male friends nor should you have to give up these long-term friends because of what your boyfriend experienced with an ex and how insecure he feels now. If you decide to end the friendships you will start to resent him because you miss your friends. Does he also get jealous if you are just talking to a man? is he controlling in other ways? Does he check up on you a lot?


You can't make him change unless he wants to. Does he? If he recognizes that this stems from the relationship (and maybe even earlier) is he willing to go to therapy to work it out before it gets worse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 12:33am

Welcome to the board angel_girl11,


Have you introduced the two of them yet?






iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 1:40am

I use to