Feeling the love but not the sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2011
Feeling the love but not the sex.
18
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 11:40am
My boyfriend and I have been dating only 5 months, which feels too early for me to be needing advice on our lack of sex. I love sex and would have it everyday if I knew he wanted it as much, I love everything that is a part of sex and can never get enough. Now when we were first dating this was satisfied, sex was at least twice a day and always fantastic. However, after about a month things slowed and now I'm lucky to get it once a week; but at one point we went almost 2 months without it. I've brought it up and he's reassured me I am not the problem. He is always telling me how much he loves me and how attractive I am to him so I believe him when he says that.

Now I have wondered if maybe his LL has to do with the fact that he has trouble staying hard and therefore takes longer than I do to get off, and if that were the case then I would understand. My problem however lies in the fact that I know he looks at porn and pleasures himself when I am not around. Normally this would not bother me, I pleasure myself as well and don't dislike porn. But I am somewhat hurt at the fact that he would rather do that instead of have sex, especially when I always make it clear how much I want it.

Also, keep in mind that I rarely initiate sex, because most of the time when I do he rejects me. That hurts, more than waiting for him to initiate sex, so more often I let him make the move because then I know he actually wants it. So, to find out that he would rather pleasure himself than have sex with me, I'm left to wonder if I really am the issue. Am I not enough for him to want me more? If his issue really is his trouble getting off, do I ask him about it? Should I bring it up at all or just try to initiate more and bear the rejection? I love him with all my heart and our relationship is perfect otherwise, we work very well together and have just about everything in common, which is why this is so hard to deal with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 12:57pm

Its time to end the relationship as you both are not wanting the same things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 1:54pm

"

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 2:09pm

What you are experiencing with him won't magically go away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2011
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 2:34pm
I don't feel like ending the relationship is the answer. When it comes to anything sexual besides the actual act of sex, he's very into it. He grabs me a lot, kisses me any chance he gets, and is always telling me how much he loves me. So I don't think the issue is that he isn't attracted to me anymore, I hear that I'm beautiful sexy or hot from him everyday. Not only that but we are truly happy when were together, I just want to understand why his libido is so much lower than mine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 3:02pm

No one really understands why one person's libido is less active than another's, but that seems to be the case here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 3:46pm

well? then you have a few choices..

Ask him why he doesnt want sex?? Tell him to go to a doctor to check out why

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 5:44pm

Hon, his libido is NOT lower than yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 6:31pm

oh; True;; I didnt see where she said that he did other things besides have sex with her. So yes your are right.

He doesnt have a low libido. He just prefers his other forms of satisfaction..

I also agree that they are not compatible and being its only 5 months its time to get out of the relationship..
He's just not that into you.

I have a friend who was dating a guy for thirteen years. He had very limited sex with her but he was getting it other places and after a few years he had no sex with her.

Well? This summer she told him to marry her and he did.. Guess what?? Still no sex for years and they are married and they are like brother and sister. They dont even live together and probably never will. Its too bizzare for me.

oh; and she wants sex. Its not like she doesnt care. She wants to have sex with this guy but he wont do it..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 12:21am

Of course the logical and sensible answer is.......you're not compatible, it's only been 5 months, which is about the time that you realize it's not working, and you move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 2:57am

>>The fact that he can't keep the erection is because he's got himself trained to respond to his hand.....not a woman<<

Yep, or perhaps he's blown his very load recently and hasn't recovered sufficiently to manage intercourse.

At any rate, if you want sex - he needs to stop masturbating.

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