Feeling neglected lately

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Feeling neglected lately
4
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 10:16am

Hi,


My bf and I have been together 2 years, living together for a year. It seems we've been having some issues lately and I want to do something to fix it. I've been feeling pretty neglected the past few months. He's always got something going on during the week, usually hunting or fishing, or helping a friend with whatever. So lately I never see him, because he comes home after 9pm and I'm in bed because I work early mornings. Weekends, he's hunting/fishing, so he's gone all day, I see him at night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 12:18pm

Welcome to the board kwhere,


He's in a relationship, but still living the single life and behaving like it too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 12:40pm

Welcome to the board kwhere,


I like Carrie's idea about having a date night. I would suggest writing your bf a letter telling him exactly how you feel. Tell him you don't mind him going out and doing things, but that he does it everyday and you never get to see him. Then bring up the date night idea. Maybe he will understand better if he reads it in a letter since he isn't listening to what you are saying.


Best of luck.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:16pm

I'm puzzled that he says he NEVER gets to do what he wants, because you're saying that he ALWAYS gets to do what he wants. There's a discrepancy somewhere. Maybe he isn't aware of how much time he spends doing things apart from you, or maybe it seems to you that he's gone more often than he really is.

Keep a journal this month of the things he does, the things you do, and the things you do together. At the beginning of November, sit down together non-confrontationally and discuss it. Maybe the two of you can use the information to make plans to be together more. If not--if he justifies all his absences and makes it seem as if you're the one with the problem--then you'll know that the relationship isn't working the way you hoped it would.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:18pm

In all relationships both partners need time together and time alone (you as well). If he is taking so much time with others, that there's nothing left for you, then the relationship is out of balance. Perhaps he just wants someone to take care of his physical needs and take care of the house, a kind of mother, and for him to remain a child?


On the other hand, why do you continue this way? Firstly, you also need to spend time away from him with your friends and activities that are important to you. But most of all, the two of you need to work out what this relationship is anyway. Is it a one way street? If it is, why do you want that? If it exists for both of you, then he must sit down with you and work out a schedule of time alone and time apart (for both of you), that you both feel comfortable with.


Take good care,