Feeling like an obsessed crazy person...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Feeling like an obsessed crazy person...
11
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 2:16am

Ok, I can't get my mind off of this guy that I grew up with. I really have no idea why I dream about him every 3-6 months. It never fails, he always pops up again. Just when I thought I have shaken him off, there’s another dream. The dream then gets me thinking about him for weeks on end.


Here's the thing, I have been married for 10 years. The guy I married is the guy I bumped the old friend for. We were just about to become a couple but I was 17 and selfish and didn't wait for him to come back from boot camp. I was angry that he expected me to wait around for him all summer when he didn't say anything about how he felt before he left. When he got back I had been dating my now husband for about a week. We just never spoke about what was 'between us' ever again.


I stalk his myspace even though he hardly ever contacts me unless it’s my birthday and vice versa. I tried a few times to send him friendly e-mails or comments. He responded a few times when I first found him on line and we haven't really talked much since. I feel like a lunatic. He obviously doesn't want a relationship with me because if he wanted to be friendly he would shoot me a hello every now and then.


My husband is a wonderful guy. He has his pitfalls but he has never been anything but wonderful to me. I feel like we have more of a friendship than a marriage lately but don't all relationships have these ups and downs? Thinking about my old friend has been a constant all through my marriage. Some years it’s stronger than others but he has always kept a part of my heart even though nothing ever happened between us.


Sometimes I think he is part of my homesickness. We moved from our hometown 7 years ago but I still miss it. I don’t really like where we are now. It pretty, but I still don’t feel like I’m home. We haven’t moved back because were kind of in too deep to pull out and even if we did it’s not like things are the same back home so what would I be running back too anyway. I really wish I could stop thinking about this old friend but I find my mind drifting to him all the time. I know that it’s stupid but I can't make it stop… help ;0


I used to not take it seriously, meaning that even though I know I think about him a lot I never started to think I might have made the wrong choice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 11:39am

Welcome to the board nyditz,


First dreams are just dreams. Just because you dream about him occasionaly doesn't mean that you picked the wrong guy. You also have to remember that at least 10 years have passed and that both of you are different people now.


Do you want to stay married? Are you happy in your marriage?


I guess I am not entirely sure what your question is?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 11:49am

Thanks for your response!


I guess I would like someway or tools

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 12:12pm
Do you think that there is something missing from your marriage and you feel like he represents or has what is missing?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 12:17pm

Welcome to the board nyditz,


Dreams aren't usually prophetic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 7:52pm

Thank you both for your responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 11:38pm

Hi again,


That was a lot to let out. I can understand the resentment and frustration.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 11:34am
I will do my best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 12:48pm

HI there nyditz,


I agree with itwinflame - that was a lot to let out.


Its clear to me that both you and your husband are developing quite a bit of unresolved anger towards each other, and its turning into resentment.


Resentment is

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 8:48pm

Well I have never spoken to my husband about how I feel about our marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2000
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 12:36am

Don't be so hard on yourself.

 


~~joannaran~~

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