feeling very sad about my relationship
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| Fri, 08-27-2004 - 1:13pm |
I guess I¡¦m just sad and venting here, but if you can offer some words of wisdom I¡¦d greatly appreciate it.
My bf and I have dated almost two years now. I¡¦m 34, he¡¦s 29. We don¡¦t live together as I told him that I won¡¦t unless I¡¦m engaged. A couple of months ago I had the conversation with him asking him about what he wants out of life, and does he see a future together. I didn¡¦t ask for a ring or give an ultimatum or anything. I just want to make sure he sees ¡§something¡¨ in the future with us. He couldn¡¦t really give me an answer. It wasn¡¦t a no, but more like an, I don¡¦t know what I want in the future yet. I basically told him that eventually he silence about the subject would speak volumes to me in that he doesn¡¦t want a long term commitment and that I would have to take that information and do what I need to do with it. For instance, it¡¦s impossible to buy a house on a single income in LA, so I said that one day I would like to buy something, and if I have to do it as a single girl, I would probably have to move out of state and I would not have to discuss it with him if that time comes it he doesn¡¦t want a future with me. You get my drift? I told him it¡¦s important to express thing that we want out of life (even if it has nothing to do with the relationship) so we know we are traveling down the same path. Otherwise there is no point in continuing the relationship. During that convo, he said things like, ¡§I like us together¡Kplease don¡¦t ever go.¡¨ He had tears in his eyes even. But I¡¦m a very rational girl, and actions speak louder than words. Since I loved him and really enjoyed his company, I was not ready to do anything like break up with him yet. I figured I would know when I¡¦ve had enough and it was time to move on.
Ever since that conversation, I¡¦ve been a bit insecure about if he really wants me. I¡¦ve always been the planner and have planned stuff for us to do together. Now all of a sudden I became really pissed that I was making all the plans, and did the lack of him planning things mean that he really couldn¡¦t care a less if we did spend time together or not. I also have to mention, that in the two years we have been together, I can count on one hand the amount of times we have stayed at each other¡¦s houses on the weekday. We do on the weekend though. At first I thought this was strange, but as an independent person myself, I liked not having to get up earlier to drive home to get ready for work, etc. We really only see each other once during the week (we work together, but in different buildings with minimal interaction) and maybe twice on the weekend. So his space should clearly not be an issue since he has plenty of it. But I decided anyway to stop making any plans with him or emailing or calling, etc. I wanted to see if he would respond by making more of an effort.
To my surprised, he did respond in a positive manor. Every time he sent me an IM or something, I would be very friendly and whatnot, but I wouldn¡¦t say, ¡§so what are we doing Friday.¡¨ That started to give me more confidence again. But he has slacked a bit lately and now I don¡¦t know if I¡¦m doing anything with him this weekend. ƒ¼ I went ahead and made plans with friends tomorrow night, so I have something to do this weekend. I¡¦m feeling very insecure and sad again, but I still won¡¦t call him to make plans.
I guess it maybe sounds silly, but I just have a lot of nagging feelings about what to do and where to go in this relationship. I feel like at the very least, we should be spending a little bit more time together that we used to. We live several blocks away from each other!!! He is very inexperienced in relationships, so I feel that in some ways he just might be clueless. It¡¦s obvious he cares about me and loves me. He is smart, cute, outgoing, and affectionate. He traveled with me to my home state in june for a vacation and to hang with my family.
I guess I¡¦m just frustrated with him because he is a great guy, but he just can¡¦t tell me what he wants, which is defiantly the root of the problem here. I know eventually that if nothing changes and he can¡¦t tell me what he wants, that I have to move on, so no one really has to tell me that. It¡¦s just a sad and hard thought when that¡¦s all that is pretty much happening here. Other than that we get along fine and have fun together.
Anyway, sorry about the fragmented thoughts, but if anyone can empathize, let me know. ƒ¼
