feeling worthless

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
feeling worthless
1
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:46pm
I met my boyfriend at a night club about 2 years ago. We became boyfriend and girlfriend the day after we met. We both fell inlove at first sight. Well 9 moths later we moved in together with plans of marriage about 6 month later. Now its been 10 month and he never makes a move to even ask me. There were times in the past where he will take to stores to look for wedding rings but he never actually bought one or ask me seriously. Since we met he started to talk about it and i really thought it was going to happen the way we planned it. I am here waiting and now i am the one to talk to him and he says that he doesn't want to get married now. He says to me don't push me to do something i don't want to do now. I am 27 and he is 24 yrs old so i really want a stable life now. He gives me excuses about us being from different cultures because he is not sure if he wants to stay in the US or going back to his country. Other excuses are we both go to school and he says its better to wait to Graduate to plan our future. He totaly changed our dreams. He loves me he says that he will never leave me. We have passion for eachother like from the begining and i know that he doesn't not only wants sex because we do everything else as a couple. I love him so much but i don't know what to to anymore. What should i do? I have been so hurt of the way he says that he doen't want to marry me now. I just don't know why he changed. I am scared to waste my time because he's got me waiting until he decides what he wants to do. Please help me? Emergency......
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:03pm
What you are going through is pretty normal and painful too.

I think that when people first meet and there is the 'rush' of excitment, love, sex.... people think that stage lasts forever (and they want it do) so they talk about marriage, long-term commitment, etc. Then real life routines set in, you get to know someone better, certain values, morals, expectations come up and the picture of the relationship changes somewhat. Add that in with him trying to decide whether or not to go home or stay here adds to it. And he's younger than you. He's in no rush to get married. School is also a focus for him. Less so for you.

With or without marriage are you where you want to be?

Since it's something you feel you want and need, it may be time to end the relationship and find someone that is more on the same page as you are in regards to long-term goals.


Carrie