Feelings of breaking up! HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Feelings of breaking up! HELP!
8
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 11:26am
I started dating my boyfriend for 2 months already and I really do feel something strong for him. The only problem is that he sometimes act real inmature. If I want to stay over at his house he says that he would love for me to go but when I won't be able to stay he tells me that it really doesn't matter. I tried talking to him about it and he says that I am not bothering him that he is just an open minded person. He also says that he speaks then think. Just 10 minutes ago, I told him that I was going to go to his house to pick up all my stuff, and I told him to put the stuff in a bag, that I usually leave there for every weekend that I spend. He told me that he will do that for me. When I said goodbye, he told me goodbye like nothing is going on and he hasnt call back. He doesnt show me that he cares and is killing me inside because I already had two heart brake and I won't be able to handle this one. What should I do? I really don't want to end this!! Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 1:00pm
I am sorry, but I think I am confused. Why would you want him to call you back after only 10 minutes when you said you were going over to his house? And what did you mean he said goodbye like nothing is going on, what is going on that he should be upset about?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 1:22pm

Hi diamond,


I take it you want him to 'demonstrate' how much he wants to be with you and be upset that you are coming to get your stuff and leaving?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 1:29pm
Everytime I stay over at his house, I have many of my stuff such as clothes, and lotions and stuff like that in his house so when I stay over I just use those. He once told me that never to take any of those stuff with me because If I do, it means that I am never going back again and I agreed with him. Today, I called him and told him that I was going to his house and to put all those stuff in a bag and he said that is ok that he will do that knowing that if I take all those stuff means that I wont come back. what do you advice me? please! I really love him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 1:55pm

The advice is simple - Your manipulation game is blowing up in your face and he doesn't want that level of disrespect from a girlfriend. Maybe you expected him to beg for you to stay but I doubt he will do that. Chances are this relationship is over and he is making the right decision here.

For your future - STOP playing these kinds of game and START respecting the man for whom he is and the value he brings to your life. Most of us have no interest or tolerance for silly games that try and force us to act a certain way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:11pm

If you don't really want to break up with him, than go to his house and talk to him about the things that are bothering you. He may not realize what is bothering you and that it has you this upset. Let him know what you need out of the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:45pm
Sweetheart, men are dense. they are feeble-minded creatures and unless you spell things out for them, they don't take it seriously. I would go to him, tell him that I am breaking up with him, and leave. If he doesn't come after you, then he isn't worth your time. And don't worry about heartbreak, sweetie. No man is worth crying over, and the one who is won't make you cry. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:55pm

You said - "men are dense. they are feeble-minded creatures and unless you spell things out for them, they don't take it seriously. I would go to him, tell him that I am breaking up with him, and leave. If he doesn't come after you, then he isn't worth your time."

From a man's perspective you are missing the boat. Life is too short to have to put up with manipulation games. No man is obligated to stay with a woman that shows so little respect. There are millions of available women - why would we stay with one that makes the choice to treat us like crap just so she gets her way?

If you want something from a relationship, then you own the responsibility to ask for it. If you run away expecting us to chase you - forget it - it clearly shows you are irresponsible and disrespectful. As men - we don't want that - so good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 4:44pm

>>> I would go to him, tell him that I am breaking up with him, and leave. If he doesn't come after you, then he isn't worth your time.<<<

Actually, if a man came after me in response to me breaking up with him, I would be very turned-off by his lack of dignity and self-respect. I'd also be insulted. Breaking up with someone isn't a decision I make lightly so I'd interpret his chasing me as a sign that he doesn't take me seriously.

I'm been of the opinion that if someone decides to leave, then you help them pack. There's no point in making a fool of yourself. (This would probably be different in a marriage, but it is the rule I have for myself concerning boyfriends)