feels like he doesnt want me anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2007
feels like he doesnt want me anymore
1
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 5:18pm
me and my partner have been together for 4 years, had a baby a year ago but this started before i got pregnant.
everything brilliant in the beginning always said he loved me and cuddled me, kissed me all the time you know what its like everythings perfect at the beginning. since then hes just decided he doesnt have to make any effort anymore.
It hard to explain but we have the perfect relationship to everyone on the outside we are always together and we are a very happy family with our little girl, at home we are a perfect little family she makes us so happy, but for the last 2 years he doesnt show me any emotion anymore or makes love to me unless i ask, and even then i sometimes get some excuse. everytime i bring the subject up of me feeling like he doesnt fancy me anymore he says of cause i do and sleeps with me. it just seems he only makes the efoort when i moan at him saying i feel left out again. this can go on for months, its been 2months since he last touched me and even then he was drunk and it ended pretty quickly so again i felt left out.
sometimes all i want is a cuddle in front of the telly but he finds an excuse so i cant sit there.
i know he loves me and doesnt want to lose me, he has already stated that if he didnt want me he would of left by now, but he just doesnt seem to listen to me and wont understand that im on the verge of trying to get attention from others which i dont want to do cause our family has the perfect life but i cant do without the attention and being made to feel good. we dont even fight anything we argue about just fizzles out and disapears cant remember the last argument, hes the quiet shy type as well and believe it or not he still seems shy with me even though he wasnt in the beginning, he expresses himself more after a drink. i dont know what to think so confusing
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 5:25pm

This is a difficult and certainly lonely situation for you. Clearly, there's some problem going on here with him. Sometimes when a child comes into the picture, some men have trouble relating to the mother of their child in a sexual way. They see her as mom, and mom and sex dont go together. Of course I have no specific understanding of this person, and dont know exactly what's going on with him. What I do know is that this must be handled. You have to let him know that it can't go on this way indefinitely, that there is certainly a problem and that he needs some professional help to talk it over and find out what's causing him to pull away sexually. He must realize that a relationship cannot thrive and last on this basis. If he won't seek counselling, I suggest that you seek counseling yourself to help you sort out your feelings, get clear about your needs and make healthy choices for yourself.


Best wishes,