Fiance forgot 'anniversary'.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
Fiance forgot 'anniversary'.....
14
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 2:20pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 2:44pm
This is very odd behavior from a man who was once so attentive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 2:46pm

I

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 2:48pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 2:51pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 3:45pm

You had mentioned that you felt a bit weird 'celebrating' your anniversary since you became engaged. Its quite possible he felt the same way and is now looking towards your wedding date as your 'new' anniversary.

I don't think his behavior is out of character from what you wrote. You mentioned that he was romantic, etc. before moving in together. Your relationship has changed. You are not in the 'courting' phase so to speak. Yes, it would be nice if he continued the over-the-top things but often once a relationship gets comfortable these things don't happen as often. They should, it would be nice, but often the frequency of this events goes down.

It sounds like your fiance did do everything you had wanted to. I can see why he feels upset. You gave him a gift, he felt guilty. He tried to call you at work the next day and you were distant. It really sounds like you are trying to get him to chase you. That's what he's done in the past, but this time he's not which concerns you. Right?

Personally, I think you both need to sit down and talk this out. Playing the ignoring game is NOT going to work for either of you. I think the ball is in your court right now and you need to be the one to get the conversation started. He's probably feeling quite rejected and vulnerable right now. That said, this seems like one of those small issues that's very quickly going to get blown way out of proportion if it isn't dealt with now.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 3:58pm

I just re-read your last post. I can't help but feel this is the same problem.

I don't want you to take this the wrong way but I really think you should consider seeing a councilor to work on your self-esteem. You seem to need a lot of reassurance from your fiance that everything is ok between you two. You are not getting all the loving text messages (from previous post), over-the-top romance, etc. that you had while dating and this seems to make you feel quite vulnerable and insecure in your relationship.

When you don't get the attention you are looking for you get upset and negative (your words from previous post) and expect your fiance to come after you. When he chases after you, this gives you the affirmation that everything is ok and life goes back to 'normal' temporarily.

Does any of this sound familiar? I am only trying to help. I can tell you are a loving person who truly wants to be happy with this man. If none of what I've written sounds correct, perhaps you have to decide if you are happy with what direction your relationship is headed. The romance, emails, texts, etc. change as the relationship gets more comfortable. Especially if you're living together. You now have added stresses you didn't have before (bills for example) which factor into your daily lives. If you want the romance it can still happen no doubt, but things change as time goes on and you have to decide if you're ok with that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 5:00pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 7:59pm

From your last post -


or that i take what everyone says to me as an attack.


this morning we got in another fight, as i was a bit sad this morning at work... he again said that i'm never happy with anything..... we ended the call and i sent him an email saying that eventually i won't be able to cry anymore and i will shut off my emotions to this all....... that was 10am.... its 3pm now and i haven't heard from him....


i dont want to marry him if this is the life i'm set to live.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 8:26pm

PAGING SPICE MAN TO THIS THREAD...

Ok here's what I got from your post.
You secretly expected him to get you something, instead of saying "let's celebrate our 'old' anniversary this year" your expectations were hidden.
Then he apparently had to ask you more than once what was wrong before you told him. Then you gave him the silent treatment (yes you did). And then he got angry because he simply didn't know that you expected him to do these things.
"i was distant so he said "well, obviously you don't want to talk to me" and i said goodbye. that was 9am, its 1pm now and i haven't heard from him."
Four hours after you were intentionally distant to continue punishing him when he wants to just move on from this incident, I don't blame him for not initiating contact again.

You are obviously a VERY sensitive person and you sound like you expect him to grovel at your feet every time you cry. There's nothing wrong with being a sensitive person, but a man won't cater to you forever. You're playing games with him and it sounds as though you are (perhaps subconsciously) punishing him. It's not fair.

It would have been nice for him to remember this occasion but you have a whole lot more WEDDING anniversaries to look forward to.

If you can't make a real effort to be a little more laid back and take things as they come, then you should probably consider seeing a counselor before you get married. Your fiance sounds like a nice guy who deserves your kind treatment but also deserves to be treated the way YOU would want to be treated. He's a human being who made an honest mistake. Forgive him and be happy about your wedding :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 8:42am

LOL....I wish


To the OP


Isn't this board supposed to be supportive and encouraging and offer suggestions?

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