Fiance' has female friend (s)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2008
Fiance' has female friend (s)
11
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 10:46am

Hi, this is the first time that I posted on here. It is kind of long.

My fiance and I have been together a little over a year. We had some trust issues in the beginning with him flirting with other women over instant messenger and calling other women when out of town. We are in counseling now and things have improved greatly. We haven't been able to go to counseling lately, because his job has him out of town a lot. (BTW: He doesn't use his messenger anymore)

My current issue is this: he has a female friend who he met on a dating site years back. He said that it evolved into a friendship, but I know there must have been initial attraction and flirtation. He said that he would have dated her if she lived closer. His contact with her since I have been in the picture appears to be about fairly trivial things. I just feel a little uncomfortable with the relationship because we are moving to Houston, Tx where she lives. He is wanting for us to meet up with her since we don't know many people there. I am a little uncomfortable about it. They have never met in person before, and I think that it may just be asking for trouble. I am not sure if I should just meet her...with the "keep your enemies close mentality", "befriend the enemy"...or just plain put my foot down? They have been writing back and forth on myspace. No, I am not above snooping.. I don't want to hear about it. I feel like I have a right to know since he broke trust before!!! She wrote him a message saying that he shouldn't get married because they don't work out these days. Plus, she says that he hasn't known me that long. (I don't think he told her when we started going out)He said that she knew, but I found out that she didn't know until this year when he asked if I could use her address to job hunt. Maybe she forgot or he thought he told her... Anyway, she keeps warning him about me...she doesn't know me..we have never even spoke. Then, she looked at a picture of us on my myspace profile and noticed he gained weight. She offered to go running with him when we move there. He turned her down, but he didn't defend me or tell her to back off or anything. Am I overreacting? Should I meet her? Should I tell him that I don't think he should involve her in our lives??? Just wanting to know what others think.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 4:17pm

<< I appreciate your response to my issues.

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