Fiance not interested in wedding

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Fiance not interested in wedding
7
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 4:05pm
Please tell me if I'm crazy! My fiance and I have opened a new restaurant, and it has taken away all of our together time. Since the business has opened, he has become obsessed with work. He is constantly stressed, and no matter what I do- I can not make him happy. He has had absolutely nothing to do with our upcoming wedding (in six weeks). I, however, am planning it myself, and wish desperately to discuss things with him. I feel like he does not want to talk about anything but work. It has created a strain on our relationship, and I feel like we are merely business partners, not life partners. What do I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 4:19pm
marybrian...

You ARE business partners...but unless there's some effort on his side, you probably will NEVER be a COUPLE!

Are your personal and professional relationships intertwined? Can you function as a co-owner with him...and skip the thought of being a wife?

If your fiancee has limited interest in marriage before the wedding.......how do you think he'll react after the two of you have said: "I DO?"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 5:04pm
Honey, most men aren't interested in the wedding. I've been married twice. The second time, just two months ago. My husband, bless his heart, was not a participant either. He just told me to do whatever I wanted and he'd show up happy. He helped out on the wedding day setting up chairs, and other things he needed to do, but the planning was all up to me. He just suggested a few places we could have it. Other than that, it was all on me. My DH is also very busy with his work. SO I understand the lack of time you have with him. Just keep in mind, he's not avoiding it, he's just stressed with the restaurant and trying to make it successful so you two can live a good life. Int he long run, the wedding is not so important. It's a dress, some flowers and 10 minutes of standing up in front of more people than you wanted to invite. Then you party with most of them and get on with what's truly important. The marriage.

Focus on what you want the wedding to be. It will be beautiful and he'll be there and supportive and happy he didn't have to do it and proud that you did such a good job.

Hope you have a beautiful day!!

Melissa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 5:08pm
I disagree. He's not interested in the WEDDING, not the marriage. I'm sure he's happy to marry her, but as a guy, he's not into the whole planning. Most men will tell you planning a wedding is for the girls to do. A man is thrilled to just show up and see his bride looking her best and to spend time with their best friends and family. Don't discount this man. He's not interested in planning the flowers, cake, etc. It doesn't make him less interested in the marriage because of this.

Melissa

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Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 6:42pm
I was thinking the same thing. I've rarely met a man who was interested in planning weddings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 6:24am
lucy and lissa...

Pianoguy got the impression that the man was completely consumed by the business...and that the marriage between the "work partners" was more of a formality to him...than something that he truly wanted?

Granted...men get caught up in the working environment and often don't respond the way our "female counterparts" want us to. But I sensed from this post that marriage wasn't as important to him as it was to her.

I've been mistaken before...but this is my "take" here.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 9:47am
Hey no harm done. We all have our opinions and that's what makes this site terrific. Only those who verbaly slam the other members ruin it for those of us, like you, who just say what we feel in a nice way. You saw it a different way than I did. I just remember from experience that I was the main planner of the wedding and even though I got frustrated, it didn't help matters along. He still sat on his rear and added nothing and we fought too. But in the end, I managed to pull it off brilliantly and it was gorgeous. He was proud of me and the comments from the guests were worth all the blood sweat and tears I put into the seven months of hard work.

Melissa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 1:14pm
It seems that we need more information in order to help you. I am not sure from your post if it is just the wedding plans and his lack of enthusiasm about them that is the issue or if there are reasons you suspect he isn't excited about the *marriage*.