Fiance resents my parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2011
Fiance resents my parents
11
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 3:46pm

My fiance resents my

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 4:21pm

Your father is not your owner, this isn't the 1800s. Your fiance didn't need your father's permission to "ask" for your hand in marriage, and your father had no right to refuse on your behalf. Your father SERIOUSLY damaged the relationship by doing this.

However, he did have enough gumption to come clean about how he felt and made an effort to reconnect and admit his mistake. I hope he has apologized to YOU as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 4:47pm

Is this grudge your fiance is bearing, an isolated grudge.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2011
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 5:05pm

Thanks for your replies. My fiance's parents are divorced, which happened not long before we met and began dating. He has a relationship with both of them, but the dynamic is much different than with my family - they are content spending little time together and are not as affectionate as my family. He asked my father for permission because I had stressed to him how important family is to me... I actually never expected that he would ask for permission, and I myself find it rather outdated, but my fiance explained that he did it out of respect for my parents and because he thought it would make me happy.

The decision to move out of state was mine, and had been made and finalized well before we got engaged (I had accepted a job offer for post-grad). My fiance was thrilled because we're now living in a great city with a lot more to do and see (and, I suspect, because he thought it might leave some of the family drama behind). I see this move as a step in my career and plan to be here for a few years and then move closer to our home state or to a smaller town, and my fiance has been supportive of this as well. As for his career, he has found temporary work but nothing with benefits or real long-term leads. We are starting out so we each have student debt, but his is about 3X mine. We have agreed that paying our debt off is a priority but that we won't pay the other's for them unless necessary to avoid default.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 7:03pm

I think the way your fiance is acting is very childish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 1:05am

Your fiance is a REAL jerk!

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 8:17am

Do you really want advice? Try reading what you posted and imagine if some other woman posted that. What would you tell her? What would you think of her fiance'?

I cannot imagine holding onto such a resentment. First he asked for permission. My take is that if you won't like the answer then don't ask the question. Your father not only gave a good reason why he initially could not but he recanted because of your request even though you agreed with him. Your father apologized.

Then almost a year later, your fiance' was rude and he disrespected not only your father but your mother as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 10:08am

Your father did nothing but tell the truth WHEN ASKED. What was he supposed to do, lie?

He didn't turn his back on you, give you an ultimatum or show any disrespect to your bf--he simply spoke up about his concerns. Think about it for a moment, if he were to lie and conceal his feelings and then, at some point in the future, those very things that concern him now end up being a problem for you, how would he feel? Look, he's your Dad, he cares about you, and sometimes being a good parent isn't easy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 11:50am

Your Dad was right to express his concerns.

Photobucket
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 1:14pm

Hi,

My two cents:

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 1:18pm
I completely agree.

 

Pages