Fiance wants me to stop talking to my best friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2012
Fiance wants me to stop talking to my best friend.
50
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 4:30pm

I've recently become engaged and now my fiance wants me to stop talking to best friend.

Here is the back story...

I've been with my fiance for a little over a year now, and sine we got engaged he has told me that I can no longer speak/text communicate with my best friend. He believes that she is a bad influence, or better yet an improper person to be associating with.. because I've told him in the past about some of her relationships with men. He has never shown any outward distaste for her, until a couple of months ago.. (which just happens to be when we got engaged).

I've told him on several occasions that what she does in her private life is none of his business. We've been close friends for several years now and has always been a good friend. But, for the past couple of months he has been absolutely intolerable regarding this issue. Frankly, I don't know where this is even coming from. He has even gone so far to say that, it's either him or her...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

This sounds like the first step in separating you from your friends and family, which is a common tactic of controlling men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2012
No, I don't see this as a tactic. I think he just really dislikes my friend because of her "unscrupulous" history with men. I just don't see how that should be an issue in our relationship.

My questions is, whether or not it's normal for a bf/fiance/husband to not allow you to continue friendship with certain ppl that they don't like.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

I don't know if your friend is happily divorced or just happily single but there are studies that indicate that if

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

No this is not normal and if any guy told me to choose between my best friend & him, I'd choose the friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Good luck finding a woman who has no friends who are divorced, since 50% of marriages end in divorce these days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

Each case is individual and I"m sure that I would make exceptions/concessions depending on circumstances, but the stats are both significant and real. If it were 5%, even 10% and only from a single study,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006

I wouldn't accept a man trying to *forbid* me to contact a friend, much less my best friend.

Also I don't think someone who loved you would ask something like that without a valid reason - and it doesn't seem like he has one if he's waited until you got engaged to do it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2012
I honestly, don't see the big deal about having a friend who happens to sleep with a lot of men. He seems to be concerned with the image of me being friends with someone unsavory. I guess it's more tolerable for a man to have loose guy friends.

I don't want to cause anymore issues in my relationship over a friendship with someone whom i barely interact with anymore... I moved to a different cities a couple of years ago and now we've only been chatting on the phone and texting every once in while.

I think I would only be concerned if my fiancee had a questionable female friend... where cheating could arise.

When I raised the question that I think he's controlling and doesn't want me to have any friends... he said that he's more concerned with the quality of the company I keep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

My philosophy is that your married partner becomes the priority over and against any conflicting relationships which might otherwise threaten the marriage, If that's just me, I'll stay single and play the field.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

When I read the opening title, I thought you were going to describe a toxic friend who uses and abuses you.

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