Fiancee' never spends time with me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Fiancee' never spends time with me
5
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 7:42pm
I've been with my fiancee' for about 7 months.we've known each other for 5 years. for about 2 months he hasn't been spending time with me, doesn't want to be around me.i've asked him if something was bothering him and i get the same answer over and over nothings wrong.he doesn't pay attention to me. the only time he does pay attention to me is when he wants to have sex. somebody please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 7:47pm
Are you really trying to conceive a baby now. I would say that you need to hold off until you and he work ont he relationship and get to the bottom of this. Have you had a heart-to-heart conversation with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 8:01pm
If he is acting this way now, the chances are he will act this way when you are married so you need to get things fixed BEFORE you are married.Have you sat him down and told him that you want to spend more time together?How did he react? if he was a jerk, then I would suggest telling him either things change or you will leave - and mean it. Where is he if he isn't spending time with you? is he working more? or spending time with friends? If he is working more - men get stressed out and it is sometimes hard for them to back up and realize they need to take care of their relationship. Try to plan something to do together that you know he would enjoy. Look at how you can cut your budget so that way maybe he can work less.If he is going out a lot with friends, then he needs to cut back. You should discuss how often you 2 will go out with friends vs. spending time together. Like I said this issue should be resolved before you get married. My husband goes out maybe 2 or 3 times a month usually to a sports bar to watch a game. When he goes out, I try and schedule time with my friends and it works out. When you do spend time together - does he act distant or do you fight? If so, you need to discuss w/ him what the problem is - perhaps he doesn't want to be togetehr and instead of telling you, he is just avoiding you or maybe he is going thru something else. I can't tell because you didn't give a lot of info in your post.You just need to try and talk to him without sending him into defensive mode. SO try: We used to spend a lot of time together, but lately I feel like we don't see each other enough. (then mention why you don't see each either because he is working or spending time with friends)If it is working, then suggest trying to find ways to cut back his hours.If it is friends, tell him you would appreciate him cutting back.* your name says you are trying to conceive, please fix this problem before you bring a child into the home. You will need your man home even more when you are pregnant and then when you have the child and you want him to want to be home and not to have to beg him for time together.


Edited 10/20/2004 8:02 pm ET ET by batharine
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 10:54pm
Your screen name is scaring me.
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 5:03pm
Definitely hold off on trying to have a baby until you straighten this out. If your fiance says nothing is wrong, then I guess this is the way he wants the relationship to be. Is that what you want - a husband who is distant and ignores you unless he wants sex? Is this the partner you want to share your life and raise your children with? Is this the man you want to be the primary male role model for your children?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 5:05pm

Take him for a walk, if you can get him to be seen with you - tell him 'I'm noticed a change in our relationship, when I try to discuss it and figure out if there is a problem, it is dimissed. I would like your help in understanding what has changed...can you help me?

Let him talk. Don't defend yourself, just listen. If he blames you, or says anything negative, let him vent, then he may tell you what is really bothering him.

If he doesn't give you a real answer, suggest pre-martial counseling and deal with it there. If that's a no also, then you will know how serious he is about the relationship and upcoming marriage.

Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie