Fiancee posted online ad

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Fiancee posted online ad
4
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 9:16pm

My fiancee who is in the military left overseas for a 15 month assignment. I got one of his credit card bills, which I check for him sometimes, and noticed he subscribed to Hot or Not. I was curious so I got on the web site and saw his profile, with a couple of sexy poses of himself. He paid to be able to write people. So with my friends help, and I know this might sound terrible... I made up a fake profile and he responded back and want to chat with her. I needed to know if he was actually contacting women. Im devastated.

I also found out he has a web page on My Space and makes no mention of me as if he is single, even though he says he is just looking for friends...and says he would love to go out to dinner, bowling, or movies with someone. Yet he webcams me every day, tells me he loves me and cant wait until we are married and living in Italy (next year) where his next assignment is. I just dont know what to do. Hes obviously chatting with women (all of his friends on MySpace are hot looking girls) but I cant really say he is cheating, but it could certainly lead to that. How should I confront him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 12:54pm

Welcome to the board winter_song,


His behavior is not that of someone in a committed, monogamous relationship and it would be a deal breaker for me.


::How should I confront him?


It depends on your personality -


humor on webcam

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 2:31pm

winter_song,


I like cl-itwinflames advice about the approaching him humor. This way he won't feel so much like he is being attacked when you talk to him about this. I think it is important to let him know how you feel about what is going on. You should also be prepared because he will probably be upset and defensive.


Good luck.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 4:38pm

This is not good. If the two of you are engaged, then his behavior is over the line. He may or may not be actually meeting these women - (sounds like he might) - but whether or not he is, this kind of activity behind your back is not acceptable. Just tell him straight out that you are aware of what's going on. He may bluster and deny it or try to minimize it and say it's just fun, but you must hold your ground and be aware of what it is you need and respect in a relationship. Let him know that it is unacceptable to you and see where it goes from there. It is up to you to decide who you want to marry, and what kinds of standards your fiancee should live by. You certainly have cause here for stepping back from this situation. Without trust, it is almost impossible to build a healthy, constructive relationship. It is up to him now. See what he says and does. See if he become someone you can actually look up to once again and trust.

All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 9:55pm

Well, I think so far you have no reason to think he is cheating on you or even wants to. I talk to people online that are men and I don't want to cheat on my husband.

If you are really worried why not talk to him as the girl you made up? See what he says to you. If he says something you don't like, you have your answer.

Good luck.