Fiancee is receiving late night calls
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| Thu, 04-08-2004 - 1:23pm |
She had a call on Tuesday night while we were watching a movie at her place. She told the person she was watching a movie with me she said my name. I didn't ask who it was.
Last night she got a call first on her cell then on her home line. I could hear that it was a guy and the guy asked why she didn't answer her cell. She laughed and said "bcuz I don't want to talk to you" then she said she was with me, mentioning my name again.
I asked who it was. She said who I thought she say, her friend so and so.
I asked, the late night caller? And asked is he the one who called the night before? She said, when? I told her, the night before when we were watching the movie. She said she didn't remember.
I told her I know you said you gave up all your male friends for me except two. This guy and another fellow. I know the other guy and was cool with him. But, I didn't know anything about this guy who just called. And seems to call frequently and late at night. I said he must be a really good friend because she scolds anyone who calls her past 11pm because her daughter sleeps in the same room as her.
So, I began to ask her to tell me about him. Where did they meet? How long have you known him? She got an embarassed look on her face and said why are you asking? I told her I don't know anything about him, tell me. She seemed embarassed and called for her daughter to come in the room, she was calling her daughter saying come and save me. She said I was harassing her but with an embarassed smile on her face.
Her daughter came and then left. Then we heard that shell fell and was crying. Her daughter came in crying and my fiancee held her in her arms and said saved by the cry. Again joking.
After that we went downstairs with her roomate and her roomate's guest. Prior to me coming over she'd had told me that she wasn't talking to her roomate because her roomate hadn't paid a part of the rent. My fiancee said she'd been ignoring her all day and evening.
But, we went downstairs, we stood downstairs. She was talking to her roomate nothing had happened. She went outside to smoke with her. Like nothing had happened between the two.
I was teasing her making comments like, boy those questions seemed to have shaken you up. In my mind I was thinking it shook her up so much that to avoid going back upstairs and talking again she started talking to her roomate that she had ignored all day and evening.
So, we stood down there for a couple of hours till her roomate's guest left.
During the evening she'd come over and sit on my lap and kiss me. And look at me and say whats wrong? I told her with a smile you haven't answered my questions.
As her roomate's guest was leaving she sat on my lap and answered my question about where she met him? in vegas how old was he? close to my age and how long she'd known him? about a year
When we went upstairs to watch tv. I said you seemed embarassed and seemed like you were avoiding the questions. She said it seemed like I was harassing her with all these questions. She wasn't upset when she spoke and said I was jealous.
I said yeah, when someone is calling my fiancee late at night and you're calling him after midnight. I want to know what is going on?
She asked if I trust her and said she has never cheated on me and never will.
I said I don't like the fact that he is calling late at night and you're calling him. I said tell him not to call late anymore. I said you don't think its weird that he's calling you late at night, she said okay. I'll tell him no late calls.
I was thinking this morning that over the weekend she had a late night call and didn't answer it. I'm thinking it was probably him.
This morning it still bothers me. I want to tell her to start making him a "distant friend" as a favor to me. I'd like her to call maybe once every few weeks. But, the more I think about it. I'm not thinking too much of a guy who thinks its okay to call an engaged woman late at night. Now, I'd like her to end that friendship.
I trust her, but wonder about her thinking that it has been okay for this to be going on. I told her last night, if I hadn't said anything it seems like this would keep goin on.
Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry for a long post.

If you do not talk to her more about how it bothers you, it will never go away, and can cause some major issues between your fiancee and you. Good luck!! :)
Mr. Vegas and the late night calls are mere symptoms of those red flags. With or without him and/or his calls, those symptoms would still exist and probably manifest themselves in other ways/problems. I'm one for openness and honesty in a relationship, but then again, I have nothing to hide in my relationship.
Personally I agree with you and think your feelings are valid on all counts. But...she has the right to behave and feel as she wants. She isn't wrong or bad. Neither are you. You and she are just on different pages about some very crucial things in your relationship (things that IMO you need to feel the same about if you want a happy successful relationship). Good luck.
Incompatibility issues and red flags abound.
Since you are engaged, I suggest you ask her to go to pre-martial counseling with you and deal with the issues there.
She met him in Vegas a year ago, while you were together with her. She liked him enough, or couldn't say no to giving her phone number to the guy? Sorry, but this doesn't wash. I keep hearing 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas' and since you two have been dating on and off for the last year, I'd wonder what would drive this guy to continue with contact? 1) they had some connection in Vegas and either of them are willing to let it go, 2) he just found out she's engaged and is trying to MAKE SURE she knows how he feels about her
I know I think the worst in most cases, but put it this way, he's calling at the times she is most likely to be alone, she hasn't talked to you about him, you had to ask her, so she's hiding something AND he is calling nearly every night?
You've got problems here. I strongly suggest you try per-marial counseling.
Carrie