Fiancee wants only one child

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Fiancee wants only one child
10
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 1:16pm

We discussed extensively when we first got together what we wanted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 2:15pm
If you need to continue having children one after the other, what you need is not a husband, you need a sperm donor. You and your fiancé can't get married if one of you is going to be happy and the other is going to be resentful. And no you're probably not going to find a man who wants to make babies with you right away. So you need to either give up on your ideal of having lots of children right now, or give up on your idea of having children with this man. You can't have it both ways when there are two human beings who need to make this decision, not one. Sorry the reality bites but what can you do - life never happens the way you plan it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 2:31pm

Welcome to the board nativeapril23,


::

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 4:42pm
Why did you marry someone who wants only one child when you know that more children make you happy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 4:45pm

"We discussed extensively when we first got together what we wanted. Children and in multiple amounts had much enthusiasm from me and him." It changed after they had their first.

From the subject line, they are not married yet, but engaged.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 7:34pm
Sorry...I thought I typed in "agree to" in the question "Why did you agree to marry...."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 7:52pm
Your DF already has 4 children and it's unlikely he'll change his mind about having more with you. That's probalby a good thing because he already has 4 kids for whom he has to pay support. He's also not a good candidate to father more kids since he can't handle
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 10:59pm

<< I am guessing that he has a lot of negative influence and having the one child (he does have three others from previous relationships). >>


Previous relationships?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 5:04am

How much of a financial load is the child support for three other kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-1999
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 10:26am

At the risk of sounding rude, I think that you should just "suck it up". He is the father of your child and if that is the ONLY problem that you have, than you are doing fine. "raising" a child is hard work, and he is honest enough to tell you that he thinks he has changed his mind about having 2, and yet he is leaving the door open for more than one.


I am a woman who has had 4 pregnancy losses in her life, one of which was at 6 months. I now am completely childless, and will never have children even though my plan was to have 2. All I can do is suck it up. Life doesn't always go as planned.


I think that to leave a relationship for the sole reason that he isn't enjoying being a father as much as you are enjoying being a mother is actually immature, although I can certainly understand your urge to have another. Life is hard and if it's not going to work you cannot throw your own temper tantrum (ie-leaving him to find another sperm donor) to get your way. The best thing to do in this situation is to love the child that you have, love your fiance, respect the commitment you are going to make with him and regret not having more children but realize that life doesn't always go the way we want. It's not fair to leave him and then desperately try to search out a man to father more children for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 12:04pm
Please post to the OP rather than the last poster. :)