Fighting for Competition...help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Fighting for Competition...help!
24
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 11:42am

I feel like I am always fighting with my boyfriend's friend for competition. Nobody likes this friend of his, he doesn't have a job, a car, and has a kid and constantly is bugging us and wants to always stay the night. We constantly have to give him rides everywhere because he has no way of getting around and lives in the country so if he comes to town from a ride from his mom it's hard for him to get back home unless we take him so my boyfriend lets him stay the night at our apartment all of the time and I don't like it at all. This friend of his is the only reason my boyfriend and I fight and I don't know what to do about it but I'm tired of his friend always staying the night and causing problems. What can I do about this? Help!

Also, his friend is very messy and stays at the apartment alone even when we're not here because we're working and I don't think he needs to be here when we're not I don't trust people alone in our apartment we have too many valuables.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 11:56am
Thing is you can't tell your BF WHO he can be friends with. So this guy happens to be a bum, but still he's his friend and you can't control that. Have you told your BF how you feel about him spending the nite (and especially letting him stay there when you are not home) feels like an invasion of your privacy? And if so what does he say? Only other thing I would suggest (if your worried about him taking something when your not there) is to buy one of those security boxes with the little lock on them, put all your valuables in there and hide it somewhere in the apt. .I just bought one from ace hardware for my important papers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 11:56am

You can't pick family but you sure can pick friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 12:17pm
For some reason my bf likes this friend and nobody else does not even his other friends or any of his family, nobody knows or understands why he likes this guy. I don't care if they hang out, but as long as I'm living here, I don't want the guy staying here, especially when we aren't home. We are always stuck giving him rides if he stays here because he has no way back home unless we give him a ride. I'm tired of his crap!

My boyfriend also gets tired of his friend staying because he is a really messy guy and messes up the apartment and just plays his video games all day and then my boyfriend cleans up after him like it is no problem. This guy can seem to do nothing wrong in my boyfriend's eyes it's really weird. I can't say much because I'm not on the lease yet but I am living with him I just have to sublease my other apartment first before I can fully move in, so I believe once I'm fully moved in I have the right to say his friend can't stay here if I'm uncomfortable with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 12:19pm
Yes I don't understand because he is the only one who likes this friend not even his family or other friends like this friend of his. I don't mind them being friends it's when he invades our privacy and stays the night and uses us for rides is when I have a problem! My boyfriend says I don't have a say until my name is on the lease but I'm basically living here I just have to sell my other apartment before I can put my name on his lease.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 12:34pm

YOu don't like him, no one else likes him,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 12:34pm
Maybe you need to hold off a bit on sub leasing that apt. What if you move in and NOTHING changes with his friend. If it's causing THIS MUCH tension now between you guys, and your not really living there yet (as in on the lease) I can see this issue continuing to be a HUGE PROBLEM if things don't change with this friend. What if your BF doesn't have the heart (or the guts) to speak up to his friend even after you move in? If I were you I would set some ground rules BEFORE you DO move in about the sleepovers and him being there when you guys aren't home (which BTW ARE NOT unreasonable requests) cause once you give up your apt. your pretty much stuck if things don't change over there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 12:43pm
Yes my bf is too nice of a person to say no to anyone. I feel like a bitch around him because I know how to say no and be mean to people when they deserve it. I think my bf is torn between us because this guy has been his friend for 7 years and has known him longer than me. I don't know how to get rid of this friend of his. I can't do much about it until I move in and my name is on the lease and then since it will be my place too I can demand he can't be around our apartment until then I have to suffer!! The next time he offers his friend our place to stay I will say fine I'm done with our relationship because you don't care about my feelings so goodbye.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 12:47pm
Well, I haven't stayed in my own apartment for months now so I basically do live with him I'm just not on the lease. I'm moving in because it's pointless for me to pay rent when I'm never there in fact I like being at my bf's apartment more so I'd like to move in and he said he wants me to move in and that it's fine. My bf really won't have a say once I'm moved in because I will be paying for the apartment too and if I'm the one uncomfortable with his friend here then he is not allowed here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 1:00pm
Good. And it's not like your demanding he give up the friendship. Your BF can always go to HIS house and visit him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 1:15pm
That's true it's just that he lives out in the country so no matter if he comes to town or we go there we do a lot of driving around for him it really sucks!

Pages