Filled with hurt, rage, and confusion :[

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Filled with hurt, rage, and confusion :[
14
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 12:10pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 12:30pm

Before anything else, go and see a therapist to figure out why you are being so irresponsible by having babies so quickly with guys you merely date ? If I said the reason, you wont like it so I spare that !

At 22 , if I did my math correct, you have a messed up life and are bringing more innocent lives into it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 12:46pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 12:51pm

(((shman1111)) I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 1:07pm

Thank you for your response :]

I have called a couple of hotlines in the past, which help for a minute when I feel like there is no one else to talk to, but the only thing is that I cannot afford counseling, and I have no insurance. My boyfriend is a loving father and I have never worried about him hurting them, be it mentally or physically. He has never been physical with me, it's mainly just attacks emotionally when we get into an argument. Honestly, I feel like I wish I could help him with his issues, but he doesn't like to talk about his emotions, and I am not sure how to go about it- I feel like I have tried so many ways that I think he needs to get counseling for himself to be happy and treat me better. I have suggested it in the past, and he seemed to actually contemplate it, but has never followed through. Deep down he is a good person, it's just when he is upset with me that he gets so angry and says such hurtful things. I just wish I could make everyone happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 1:14pm

Hi shmam,

I'm sorry that you're having a tough time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 1:18pm

Hi again,

I wanted to also give you the link to the Recognizing & Dealing With Domestic Abuse board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 1:20pm

Thank you for the helpful insight and information. I am going to spend today deciding what the next step will be for my kids and myself. It's pretty scary when I don't know what will happen after this - I am worried how this may affect my children as they get older. I just want to do what is right for everyone :[

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 2:03pm

Practical , logical and sensible advice : Move out asap.

Instead of focussing on his issues , trying to help him and make him happy , its better to put back all energy where it needs to be, that is

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 12:23am

As everyone else says, you need to stop worrying about him and his problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 12:05pm

To be most effective for your kids, you need to feel secure in your environment. The idea that in a rage or any other circumstance, that you never know from one minute to the next if you are going to be out on your butt with your kids is incredibly stressful. It sounds like you have been living in that kind of environment for a very long time now.

You CAN do this on your own. Whatever happens with you and your bf, you need to get counseling and take other proactive steps to get the confidence that you can take care of you and your children on your own. Someone mentioned getting your GED. It's a good start. It may seem so far away for you right now but one day at a time, one little step at a time, regardless of what is going on in your relationship with bf and your mom, take the actions that move you toward being able to take care of you and your kids. It will happen if you will do the little bit of work everyday to get there. That confidence will help you to have healthy relationships and boundaries and more than likely put an end to your ongoing depression.

It has been recommended to check into a local church for counseling. They may able to recommend resources for dealing with your depression issues that won't cost you any money. Counseling will go a long way in helping you with a new perspective on you and your life as well as the support to help you with taking the steps for independence and confidence.

Take your focus of your bf. You can't help him if he doesn't want the help. Put the focus on YOU. The most generous and giving thing you can do for your kids is to take care of yourself.

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