Financially Dependent Boyfriend
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Financially Dependent Boyfriend
| Mon, 01-21-2008 - 10:02pm |
I have finally confirmed that my live-in boyfriend is a financial dependent.
| Mon, 01-21-2008 - 10:02pm |
I have finally confirmed that my live-in boyfriend is a financial dependent.
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I see where you're coming from. The problem I would have asking my boyfriend to pay rent in a house that I own is that it's not like renting an apartment with someone where you both pay rent to someone else and never see that money again. Living the way you are now, if you two were to break up, you would be better off financially because of him. But he wouldn't benefit at all, because he has no rights to your house. It's just a very uneven business arrangement. If you were to end up together and eventually share finances, I can see how that would work out. But that doesn't seem too certain.
"How does a homeowner, who does not have unlimited resources and lives with his or her significant other, avoid being a landlord?"
It's tricky, really, and there's no perfect answer. Obviously you don't want to let go of an important asset that you have. The way I see it, if you are serious enough to live with someone then you are serious enough to be considering marriage... And if you want an equal partnership where he contributes to the mortgage, then he will have his name on the title to the house too.
Soooo, I think I could lock Boyfriend out.
What do you, who are reading this, think about locking him out?
"What do you, who are reading this, think about locking him out?"
I think it's coming out of nowhere.
"Boyfriend and I have no lease, no security deposit, no legal protection, only trust, ha ha ha.
>>How does a homeowner, who does not have unlimited resources and lives with his or her significant other, avoid being a landlord?<<
When I moved in with my boyfriend (now my husband) he was living in a house that he was buying with his two sisters.
Sounds like he has problems around money and this is how his wish to be taken care of manifests. You yourself answered the question why you are with him? You love him. In other areas he meets your needs. You have to sit down and decide how important it is to you to have a boyfriend who can be an equal financial partner? Is this a priority? Are you comfortable supporting your partner. In a way it's as though he's a live in wife here.
In these days there are many kinds of relationships. It's up to you to decide what you can and cannot live with. If this is depleting for you, if you lose respect for him and yourself, then it can't be good. If you can accept him as he is, good and bad points, then you can. The harmful part here is to judge him and keep trying to change him. Unless he goes for therapy, it is unlikely that his patterns will change. The only way (unless he goes to therapy) that this can work for both of you is if you "decide" that he is worth it, and you will accept him and the situation as it is. If you cannot, then it's time to go.
All good wishes,
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I would like to clarify that it is Boyfriend who is financially dependent, not me.
You know how it is recommended that we have three-six months of living expenses saved up in case of emergency? I have that. I also have a portfolio that I am very proud to say I manage myself and usually have annual gains of about 36%. (Professional traders would like to do that well.) I also have another $100k in annual passive income.
When Boyfriend moved into my house, we agreed that he would pay $1250/month including utilities (30% of household expenses), which is less than the $1500 not including utilities that he was paying before he moved in with me.
Five months ago, I started making efforts to raise additional monies to make up for what Boyfriend wasn’t paying in lieu of tapping my emergency fund or taking money from my portfolio. However, my checking account is down from the usual ±$30k to what would be less than $1,000 before Boyfriend’s best estimate of “when he is going to pay me back.” So, guess what? This week I had a $10k CD in my emergency fund mature and I transferred it to bolster my checking account.
It just makes sense to me that when Boyfriend racks up more than $10,000 over a ten month period in $$$ owed to me, that he is never going to turn things around.
Couldn't I make up the difference? I have been for almost a year now. The question is, should I continue? Boyfriend has credit-card debt, no retirement, no savings, no other assets, and owes big bucks to the IRS and others. I am starting to see his financial dependence as a repeating pattern in his life. If I continued to support his financial irresponsibility, it could cause me to become financially dependent with credit-card debt, no retirement, no savings, and no other assets.
However, why do I feel guilty about wanting the hemorrhaging to stop?
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