Find marriage restoration or divorce?

Avatar for dolfin0018
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Find marriage restoration or divorce?
6
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 2:49pm
In March of 2001 I found out I was pregnant and the next day my DS lost his job. He hasn't had one since. If he made an effort to find a job after the first few months I didn't see it. Yet he complained about wanting out of his mom's house and wanting a job with something to do during the day.

In the spring of 2003 I told myself that if he hadn't gotten a job by the end of the summer I'd leave. Sure enough, that's what happened. Surprisingly I was able to buy a house; that was weird because we couldn't get an apartment together. I moved out in October.

I can't remember when the last time was we had sex. Somewhere along the line, probably from the lack of it, I've lost interest in sex. I have no desire to have sex with anyone or anything associated with sex.

Chatting online I get several messages saying I should start dating. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet. I don't feel anything for my DH unless it's buried deep inside. When we're together all we talk about are events and our DS. We never talk about us. because of this, I don't know if there's anything to try and fix or restore our marriage.

Any ideas?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 4:38pm
I am confused.

Is it your husband (you posted 'DS') who lost his job and he or all of you live with his mom?

'Chatting online I get several messages saying I should start dating.'

From who?

Avatar for dolfin0018
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 9:47pm
Sorry about that, yes it was my DH who lost his job. We all lived with his mom since we got married so that I could concentrate on finishing school. I moved out in October and I have my DS on the weekends. They still stay with MIL.

The messages are from people I chat with on Yahoo! messenger.


Edited 2/2/2004 9:18:55 PM ET by dolfin0018

Avatar for dolfin0018
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 6:19pm
No one has ideas?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 2:30am

if i understand you correctly - you are living separately from your DH and DS for about 6 months. (you see your DS on weekends). you meet with your DH but do not discuss the marriage. so - you are legally married but not really *married*


you don't mention this so i will ask - have you gone to any kind of therapy? individual or couple's ? I don't know exactly WHAT caused you to move out (other than the fact that he wouldn't/couldn't/didn't get a job) - and i don't know what caused the problems in the marriage. but - if you are asking - then i would suggest you go to therapy for a while with your DH to see if you can work on these issues. even if you eventually decide to divorce, at least the *hot topics* will have been discussed and you two can focus on being better parents together.


I also suggest that you DO NOT date until you finished with your marriage. its just not healthy. good luck

Avatar for dolfin0018
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 10:34pm
I had asked about counseling earlier in our marriage and he scoffed at the idea.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 10:09am

The fact that he wasn't interested in counseling earlier in your marriage doesn't mean he wouldn't be willing to try it now.