Forgive & Forget or Move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
Forgive & Forget or Move on?
10
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 12:15am

Hello,


I am having a hard time with something I found out my boyfriend was doing. One day I was in his pictures file on his computer emailing myself pictures of the two of us so I could have them on my computer too when I found a hidden file that contained some hurtful things. After 8 months of dating, "I love you and want to marry you", meeting the family,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 7:58am

"I mean, we know what he was doing with those pictures...and its not like we dont make love all the freakin time bc we dooo!!!"


This is an assumption, OP, unless you are

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 12:22pm

Welcome to the board sweepypie05,


How can you be sure that these pictures weren't obtained before you got together? And how can you know if he has been looking at this pictures while you were together?


Only you know if this is something you can get over or not. Did you have trust issues before this happened?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 1:29pm

I'd be upset too if I were you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 4:09pm
First of all, you didnt do anything...he is the slime ball with crude pictures of other women on his computer. Like you said, it wasnt random porn stars- which, for whatever reason, may make some people feel better...but, it was people he talks/sees all of the time. Its disrespectful to you and the relationship. My question to you is, what is a deal breaker? What, if anything, will be cause for you to break it off. Once you;ve established this, I think it'll be clearer for you to see if you should stay or go, in the end, its your decision. If you stay, you need to need okay with everything- no bringing it back up, or holding it against him, which is very difficult.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 2:11pm

Hi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 2:58pm

Welcome to the board sweepypie05,


His behavior, hunting down the pics of friends, etc. is inappropriate and is kind of creepy to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 4:38pm
Given everything else you have said, I am inclined to say to just move on. I agree with Carrie that his actions are creepy. But I think what is even scarier is that he isn't the only guy out there doing this sort of thing (saving pics of girls from their myspace, facebook, and using them for sexual pleasure).
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 4:51pm
I am totally open with my husband looking at porn and naked women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
Thu, 04-10-2008 - 1:27am
Thank You so much everyone for your help! This has been very hard for me because I was in love with him. But now I just feel like non of it was real to begin with. I think I know what I should do because I can't go a day without somehow getting reminded of it and feeling terrible. I just dont trust him anymore.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-10-2008 - 3:12pm

Yes, it sounds like quite a shock to have found that file, especially of women he knew and especially after he made you delete all pictures of your ex. The worst part of course is the hiding and the fact that you could not trust him after that.