Framed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-1998
Framed?
9
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 12:01pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to: brookita
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 3:15pm

Brookita, of course he drew those lines intentionally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: brookita
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 4:05pm
Brookita, I think this man is not a good pick at all. I agree, he sounds vindictive and explosive.

I have to tell you, you cannot change his behavior. You do have a choice whether or not you can stay with someone that has these kinds of qualities. I would dump this guy in a heartbeat. What he did is very alarming.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: brookita
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 4:13pm

His behavior would just be childish if it weren't also scary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: brookita
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 4:47pm

He sounds scary and it even seems as though he's sort of gaslighting you. You know he made the marks and while I understand him being annoyed at the mark you made ( 1" is not tiny), I can't imagine trying to deliver a message the way he did. I would personally run like hell.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to: brookita
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 4:59pm

Brookita, I just looked through a bit of your history on the boards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: brookita
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 12:03am

I can tell you how to handle it!

1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-1998
In reply to: brookita
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 5:41pm

Thank you for all of your kind advice and responses. Almost all of your responses were similar in that you all think he’s abusive and that I should leave. I am now looking into moving out. It is hard for me. We have been together for 3.5 years now and I do love him. I looked up signs and signals of an abuser and he does have some of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: brookita
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 6:38pm

(((Brookita)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: brookita
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 10:02am

It is strange that a practicing Buddhist would be in a relationship with someone who displays such blinding rage. It sounds like you are right, you have a tendency for compassion and forgiveness. But you can be compassionate and forgiving without being in a relationship with someone who is very wrong for you (and he would be wrong for anyone... he has a lot of work to do on his soul before he can be able to be a healthy partner).

His ex-wife may be mentally unstable but knowing the person he is, and what he is capable of, I would say it's likely that he wasn't innocent in this altercation. People who exhibit the kind of raging behavior and intense anger as he does will always look for someone else to blame for "making me do it". Just as it was "your fault" for making him write you a nasty note on the duvet cover, I'm sure he has words of blame for his "crazy" ex. Well, you know for a fact that he is pretty crazy himself. It's not easy to get thrown in jail for absolutely nothing. How do you know he didn't physically hurt her? That's most likely what happened.

Moving out is the right decision. I am so glad you are seeing it now before he has a chance to gaslight you.