$ freedom or potential relationship?
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$ freedom or potential relationship?
| Mon, 05-14-2007 - 12:36pm |
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 5 months. I realize we're in the honeymoon phase still but he's definately someone who I could spend the rest of my life with. We have the same long term goals, outlooks on life and get on very well in nearly every way. We both have trust issues from our sepearte past histories which have colored our relationship, this is our biggest obstacle. We're both in the military and I will be getting out in the next five months.
I have a lot of college debt and credit card debt that I've accrued over the last 10 years and it's something that really stresses me out. I've been offered a job in Iraq, the contract would last a year and at its conclusion I would have made enough money to pay off all my debt and have enought left over to do anything I could possibly want to do. I want to continue this relationship with my boyfriend and he assures me that if I were to go over, while it would be difficult he wouldn't leave me.
I believe him but he ends up making comments to indicate that he doesn't trust me and pretty much expects me to cheat on him during that year in which case he would leave. I have absolutely no intention of doing this and while I realize that a year is a long time I know my feelings for him would prevent me from doing anything that could jepardize our relationship. But on the other side, I know HIS history and wonder if he wouldn't be cheating on me. My problem is that I want to be financially secure and debt free, the fastest way to do that would be to go to Iraq. But on the other hand I don't want to loose this relationship. I want both things.
Am I jepardizing my relationship and my chances by going? Is it unrealistic to expect to be able to come back after a year and be okay? I'm beginning to think that I would take the money first, I don't want to regret not having gone if for some reason he and I don't work out in the end. Are my priorities in the wrong place by going to Iraq?
I know this seems like a strange question but any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.
I have a lot of college debt and credit card debt that I've accrued over the last 10 years and it's something that really stresses me out. I've been offered a job in Iraq, the contract would last a year and at its conclusion I would have made enough money to pay off all my debt and have enought left over to do anything I could possibly want to do. I want to continue this relationship with my boyfriend and he assures me that if I were to go over, while it would be difficult he wouldn't leave me.
I believe him but he ends up making comments to indicate that he doesn't trust me and pretty much expects me to cheat on him during that year in which case he would leave. I have absolutely no intention of doing this and while I realize that a year is a long time I know my feelings for him would prevent me from doing anything that could jepardize our relationship. But on the other side, I know HIS history and wonder if he wouldn't be cheating on me. My problem is that I want to be financially secure and debt free, the fastest way to do that would be to go to Iraq. But on the other hand I don't want to loose this relationship. I want both things.
Am I jepardizing my relationship and my chances by going? Is it unrealistic to expect to be able to come back after a year and be okay? I'm beginning to think that I would take the money first, I don't want to regret not having gone if for some reason he and I don't work out in the end. Are my priorities in the wrong place by going to Iraq?
I know this seems like a strange question but any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.

Welcome to the board gal_angela77,
I think going to Iraq would be the best thing for you and your future. Your priorities are in the right place.
If the relationship is meant to be it will survive this.
Good luck.
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Let's put the relationship to one side for a second.
If you take the contract in Iraq, will you be in a safe environment? I don't know what it's like out there except for what I see in the news. I know you want to get out of debt quickly, but do you think you could find a similar financial opportunity back home? Is the money really worth all the risk?
This is not a strange question, it's an important one. When two people find one another and feel that the relationship is good and right, then it's important to solidify that, to bond, to spend time together, to plant deep roots like a tree. If you go to Iraq for a year now, this would certainly disrupt the bond you are forming. Some relationships could withstand that, but many could not. If he is saying that he believes you will cheat on him, and that he would then leave you this is not good.
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