Fresh start?
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 07-07-2007 - 1:43pm |
Hi- I'm a first time poster, so I could use any and all help here! :-)
Upfront, my question is how can I make a fresh start work with my boyfriend?
For background, we're a young couple, and got engaged about four months ago. We have the huge hurdle of long distance because we're both still in school (I realize that getting engaged while still in college will be hard - but that's another thing). Anyways, we've had some simple problems partially due to the distance that got so deep, it sort of made us lose our connection.
Before he met me, he had depression and worked through it. But because of the problems we've had, he needs to work on his confidence again. I agree he needs to be selfish at this point, and he needs his space, but we've agreed to start fresh. And very cautiously. Honestly, it's not what I wanted - I want to still be with him, because I've made a lot of realizations in the past few weeks about us and the demands of a long distance relationship. And I'm convinced we can last two more semesters apart. But because I love him so much and am willing to do anything for him, I've agreed to almost erase the past (specifically the horrible baggage).
We are both considering ourselves just friends, with no definate future (and it kills me!). With the timeline that we have, he's still at school for three weeks, and then we're both together for three weeks before I'm headed off to school. We've made a deal that I won't leave for school with a question mark of where we are at.
So how can I properly start fresh with him? I realize that he needs space, but we also agreed to regularly talk, so I don't know boundry lines. Also, how can I deal with the pain that this is causing me? It hurts that I can't hold him, kiss him, all the girlfriend stuff. How can I get over him to be a proper friend knowing the possibility of rekindling the beautiful things we had?
Thank you for reading and I'd appreciate any help out there.

I personally don't think it's possible to be friends with someone you want more with. It's just too painful and comes at too high a cost to make it worthwhile. What I think you need to do is take some time apart and NOT try to be friends and be moving on--IF and when he decides he'd like to try again, then you can reconnect in a romantic capacity. Or, if that doesn't happen, once you've had some time apart and have gotten over your romantic feelings for him (and that's going to take quite a bit of time), you can reconnect as platonic friends.
Sheri
Welcome to the board dzrese,
I agree with Sheri. I couldn't be 'just friends' with someone I still had feelings for.