Friend or Acquiantance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Friend or Acquiantance?
1
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 10:39pm
I met this friend at my job this past mid-July 2004. I work at a community college's nine computer lab facility. He's a student who has taken computer classes.

I told him I was going to Sweden in about 1.5 weeks from that time, and he became wide-eyed and interested. He then told me he works in a photo lab and wanted to develop my photos upon returning. I returned and got my photos developed by him. He gave me a discount because there were so many of them, and I was touched. He didn't have to do that, but he did. There were times where he's hugged me as greetings. And he's told me he likes Ace of Base like I do and wanted me to make him a CD of their music, and I did. He loves that kind of music.... Cool!

The rest of the weeks, it was the college semester's, so I didn't get to see him around. At this point, we hadn't traded phone numbers but only kept in touch via email. I'd send an email and got a response but didn't get another reply after I'd reply. So I regarded it as "not enough time." However, does it really take that much teeth-pulling for a short other email? I would ask for his phone number various times so we can chat or hang out with no response.

In early September, I decided to just visit him at work again and took some more film to be developed, as an excuse to see him. I saw him, and he went up to me and gave me a huge hug and said, "Good to see you!" We talked a few minutes, and I found out he's taking classes in my building but were times where I either wasn't around or was in another building. He goes in early to do homework, so it's HIS time to work on homework. I finally asked him again for his number and gave it to me.

The next day I saw him around, and he gave me my developed photos and said they were "on the house." I insisted to pay but he refused to let me.

I've seen him around an adjacent computer lab (where I don't work in), and I have visited him several times while he was working on homework. I've asked him several times if he wanted to take a little break so we can chit-chat. We haven't been able to chit-chat in serious since that week before I went to Sweden on vacation, so I missed that. It was quite nice and natural. However, he said, "Oh, no thank you. I'm working on some homework." I guess I shouldn't have asked it in a question form but instead offer it as a treat, right? D'oh!

Now, he's said he'll call me back when I called him back when he was firends at a bar and nothing. He said he'll email me since last week and nothing. Is it my imagination, or is there very little effort put into this friendship? I think so...

A friend of mine told me it's a "guy thing." Who knows....

I failed to mention only one *tiny* detail throughout my story, but I purposely left it out. Whenever I have explained this situation to others while leaving the small detail in, their minds seem to skew and their views depend on this detail which isn't the foundation for my situational problem. Therefore, I'll just leave it out this time to get others' opinions in a neutral format.

I mean, I do realize I am getting a little clingy in this friendship relationship. I really don't know why, in reality. Since I was proposed this friendship BY him in the beginning, I became thrilled thinking, "Wow! Someone WANTS to be my friend! This is too cool!" Therefore, when he and I talked a lot during that week, he was just coming up to me (I was subbing his classes that entire week) and we'd talk and chat. Luckily, it was "lab time" for the classes, so it gave us a chance to sit at a couple of computers and just chit-chat. It felt so nice! That's what impressed me as a close friendship potential.

Now that I hardly see him and our schedules don't match up, it just no longer gives us that chance in my work environment/his school environment. Maybe he has very little time to spend another friendship with someone else (me).

Yeah, I first thought he is just very forgetful, but then after a while, it just felt more like pulling teeth just to keep this friendship "alive." It really hurts my heart so much. I mean HE was the one who proposed this friendship, not me. I'm starting to get the impression this is only an acquaintance instead of a real friendship, but I don't want it like that. It was so nice and with some more time, it feels like we can be good friends. We were just laughing and talking so well. :'(

About the backing off thing, I've been doing that. One entire week, so far. I just regret going to him those past weeks in September. It would've made it one whole month, but I didn't. I regret it now. I'm just not sure how to approach him about his birthday after next week. With his birthday coming up in ten days (on the 19th of October), I don't know what's best to approach it. I have several choices I am thinking of:

1. Emailing him a note wishing him a Happy Birthday - with or without a lunch invitation.

2. Giving him a Birthday card - with or without a lunch invitation - and handing it to him in person in the open computer lab.

3. Just pretending I don't remember his birthday and just wait a little longer for contact.


So, can anyone provide insight or clues as to what may be happening? Or, has anyone experienced a similar situation? If so, how did you handle it? Please, please keep in mind this is NON-romantic. This is ONLY about a friendship relationship. We both know it because I am female and he is gay, and he knows I know he's gay, as he told me this from day one, so this has nothing to do with romance. There's just one safe assumption: he's gay. That's why I *know* there will never be anything, and I wouldn't *even* wanna try. It's a long story of how we became friends.

I have always valued friendships above anything else, so when HE proposed the friendship to me, I was thrilled. It was nice to know to have a friend. Now with this lack of motivation of time and energy makes me scratch my head. Maybe I'm just being too persistent since he is also very busy with work and school? Help!!!!

~SwedeAce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 4:05am
Straight or gay if a guy is interested in talking to you he'll chase you down the hall trying to get your attention. He's just not interested. He has guys for sex and he has guys for buddies to talk to that understand where he's comming from. He just does'nt need you. Move on.