Friendship feels one-sided

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Friendship feels one-sided
4
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:21am
I have never posted on this particular message board before but, I'm hoping that if I do that I'll get some helpful responses. In September of 2002, I started volunteering at an assisted living center,one of the girls I met there isn't much older than me, we worked together not ever 6 months she had to quit, I don't work there anymore either. I call to see how she's doing and I once in a while, ask her to come out with me (she doesn't live too far from me) but, she never does call back and they (she has a 4-year old boy) get home by 8:30. I feel as if this friendship (if you can even call it that)is just really one-sided. Should I try talking to her? If so, what should I say? I don't want to sound selfish or rude or anything.

Beth
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 9:13am
Did you ever get together outside of work? Have you called many times without a call back?

She knows you would like to develop a friendship and get together. She knows your number. Let her call you. Her child probably keeps her really busy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 11:44am

For whatever reason, she is not reciprocating the freindship here.It seems like this has become more of a burden then it is a pleasure...i would give her one more chance, saying something like "ya know, i know your busy with work and the children, but i would still be interested in doing something together whenever you get a free chance, why dont you call me when you are free?" This way, you are letting her know that becoming better friends is important to you, but also lets her see that you are not willing to push the issue, or make her feel obligated in any way...I think she'll get the point.Id she doesnt call back, its her loss, not yours.


Good luck,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 11:28pm
I'm thinking of calling her on Monday, just to see how she's doing. I want to say something like whatwhat you said in your response to me but, I'm not sure what to say, as I said before, I don't want to sound selfish or rude.

Beth
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 9:03am

I would start off with small talk- how has she been?Hows the kids?That kinda stuff...but dont B.S around so much that she can tell your leading up to something, you'll sound fake or like you rehearsed this..


Be real.be honest...you can do this without being rude.Say, "ya know, I know you have been swamped with everything, but I wanna put the inviataion out one more time." Then, give her a couple idea of what you two can do..maybe shopping, or lunch, whatever. Then, say "So, whenever you have a couple hours available, maybe we could get together.Gimme a call." This way, you are letting her know that you are still interested in the friendship, without looking pushy.Also, this puts the ball in HER court, now she has to call you to further the plans..If she never calls, thats her loss- not yours.