Frustrated and fueling the fire...
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| Sun, 07-25-2004 - 9:24am |
"HOW!? to get boyfriend to make a date"
I've been dating this guy for around 8 months. We have agreed not to see other people and have exchanged "I love you's." When we first started dating he would ask if he could take me out but lately he's getting lazy about the whole dating thing. He still calls me almost every night and we talk for hours yet he's become very nonchalant about asking me to do something (dinner, movie, hang out at each other's house...anything!!!). Its like its no big deal to him if we see each other or not. He doesn't seem to get upset if I make plans to do something without him - like go out with my frineds. He's suggested several times that we go on a trip or to see a concert but as it gets closer to the time for us to go he backs out. He's had good excuses each time and I don't feel he's doing anything (like seeing someone else) behind my back but I keep getting my hopes up and then disappointed and I'm getting tired of it!!!! I've talked to him a little bit about how this type of nonchalant behavior hurts my feelings and he says he's sorry...didn't mean to do that...but doesn't change his behavior. Please.....give me your advice on how to get through to him.
WELL.....I DID GET MY BOYFRIEND TO MAKE A DATE and would like to share with you the drama of what happend. He called and asked me out for a Friday night. Said he'd like to go to dinner and a movie. Around 3:00 PM, the day of our date, he called to tell me that he had to work late and asked if I still wanted to go. I asked how long how much longer he'd be at work and he said around an hour. I said yes, I'd still like to go. FOUR HOURS later he called and said he got tied up at work and that he was JUST NOW on his way HOME. Now, my boyfriend and I live in a big city about 45 minutes from each other so by the time he drove home in traffic, showered, dressed and drove back to my house it was going to be nearly 10:00 PM! I told him that I had already eaten because I was hungry and since it was going to be so late and I had to get up early the next morning that maybe we should postpone things. He agreed and we hung up a little irritated at each other. If I had to guess whether or not he was working during that time I'd have to say NO and say that he probably went to happy hour with his work buddies. I dont' understand why he calls every night to talk to me and tells me he loves me but can't plan and follow through on seeing me? Its now been two weeks since we've spent any real time together and three days since we've talked on the phone or he has e-mailed me. I know he won't contact me because he avoids confrontation and he knows that I'm upset with him. To me his silence tells me that I'm right....he was at happy hour and won't admit it. Tell me what you think?

honey, i think that you and he have different ideas about what "dating" is. he is content with talking to you on the phone and not "going out". you are not happy with this. you discussed it - and are getting nowhere.
so the question is - why are you still with him? you can't change him, and you can't change the way he views life. only HE can change himself - and he isn't interested in doing that at this time.