FRUSTRATED WITH HIM!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2008
FRUSTRATED WITH HIM!!!!!
10
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 4:32pm

I have a problem and think my realtionshipmay need to come to an end. I have been with my bf for 1.5 years. We really love each other but the problem is he is very afraid of confrontation. He was married and when I met him he was separated, his wife lives in another country. They already agreed to get divorced but hadnt done anything about it since they both living so far apart. He was just happy she was finally gone. She was very manipulative and abusive to him. I dont completely blame her cause he allowed her to treat him this way due to his non confrontational ways. About 8 months into our relaitonship I told him that he needs to get the divorce done cause its inappropriate for me t obe dating someone who is still technically married. He agreed. He filed the paperwork in February after I practially had to badger him into forcing her to sign the papers since she was sitting on them for 2 months. He has somethings of hers that he was storing in his garage, he was moving and told her she needs to come get them but she couldnt stay with him so he told her he would put them in storage and pay for the storage until the divorce was finalized (6 months). I disagreed with this as it is not his responsibiliy to pay for it cause sh eis just lazy to come sort out her things, but he said he can use is as leverage so that if she refuses to sign something, he will threaten to throw her things out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 4:38pm

I think you're right, your relationship may end.
You're dating a guy who is a pushover. Not only does this indicate that a woman can walk all over him, but it indicates that he has absolutely no ability to be a protector which is an important skill for a man to have. He will be taken advantage of by EVERYONE in his life. I know that as a woman, I need a man who can stand up and fight back if need be. Pushovers are boring people.

I think it's time for you to pack your bags, if he allows you to leave over this then his fear is going to hold him back from any relationship at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 4:38pm

Welcome to the board alexandraj2007,


I don't know if it is the same in every state, but I know that both parties don't have to sign the paperwork in order for a divorce to be finalized. When my dad's 3rd wife filed for divorce, he didn't want to deal with it so he just stopping open the mail from her lawyer and never went to any of the court dates. After 6 months the judge granted her the divorce.


But you shouldn't have to pressure him to make sure the divorce gets finalized. This should be something that he wants to get done. I guess some people don't like dealing with things that are going to be hard so they just deal with it by sticking their heads in the sand and hoping it just goes away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2008
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 4:42pm
Thanks for replying. we are in CA and the more frustrating thing about it is that he wont even look into the legality of this, to see if there is a way that this can get done without even dealing with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 4:47pm

I don't blame you are being frustrated.


Ask him what is more important to him. You or her.


Of course it shouldn't come down to that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2008
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 4:58pm
Oh I already did that and he tells me its definitely me and that I am #1, but yet he is still not divorced and wont pick up the phone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 5:10pm
Tell him that actions speak louder than words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 6:19pm

Welcome to the board alexandraj2007,


Tell him to call you when he's divorced.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 9:15pm

Hi Alexandra, I do sympathise with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 06-20-2008 - 9:47pm
I didn't notice until you said it. I think you're right that the OP is continuing bullying behavior. It seems a though her boyfriend is stuck on women who are aggressive, which is fine for a man who is also aggressive but they will really frustrate one another.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 12:28pm

This is his personality...this is who he is.

 

 

 

 

 

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