Frustrated with Painful decisions

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Frustrated with Painful decisions
2
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 2:15pm
I am a 31 Y/O male finding myself in a lose/lose situation. I am determined to save my marriage. I admit I was not perfect, nor did I try to be. I've created a world of hate, lies, anger, passion, and a whole lot of unnecessary drama. I know that before I moved back to California, my wife and I were in a beatiful harmonious relationship. In December of '03 my relationship has been traveling downhill at a very rapid pace. Since then, my wife has lost her career,pushed me away, to a point of infedelity, We are about to be evicted from our home because of the arguing and fighting my wife and I indulge.

I admit I cheated, and I regret every thing i did, It got to a point of being physically abusive. But my wife is still stuck on me cheating when i haven't and she is obcessed with idea that evrything I do is a suspicicious act. Lately, for the last month or so she constantly reminds me how single she is. She has made it a habit of coming home on Sundays only to spend a few days there and dissappearing on Thursdays. I still believe there is hope because we have talked a few times about it and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. She says she will give me a divorce but not yet. We are still intimate and she swears she has not physically cheated. But her actions make me just want to give up. Infact, when I give up. I find myself begging her to stay before she can leave. I notice that we have become over sensative to each others emotions, and usually end up arguing for out of sync apologies. I am becoming ready to let it go but the pain is unbearable. (Mind you this is just my side of the story!) I am hurting, and need help to repair my "Lost Love", or guidence on letting it go or where to go for here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 3:09pm
desertly deserted...

Pianoguy is very sad for the 2 of you....but somewhat confused! You took responsibility for "the unneccessary drama", but the trust between YOU and YOUR WIFE is missing.

After reading your post a few times, one thing stood out:

You CAN'T repair a relationship if one partner isn't interested! And it's clear (to me anyway)...your wife isn't interested. The home you have together is a way-station for her during the week. While she might be spending her weekends with somebody else (platonically), there's no desire to spend them with you...and "forcing her hand" isn't going to work!

You did enough physical damage already!

I'm puzzled by the 'intimacy issue' between you both???

Usually...a woman isn't going to have sex...or even sleep with a man she can't stand! I think there's more to this story than you've shared with us....am I right?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 8:47am
Thats where the confusion and the frustration comes in.