Frustration and Confusion Runneth Over

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
Frustration and Confusion Runneth Over
8
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 11:32am

I don't even know where to start... I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year... during our time together we have endured many struggles, one of which forced us to move across the country because we were coworkers and due to human resource issues we had to change our working arrangement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 12:25pm

Welcome to the board oliveoil23,


They say problems outside the bedroom can cause problems inside the problem. So it makes since that there are problems in the bedroom right now.


The fact that he chooses to look at porn instead of turning to you is not okay. Sit down with him sometime outside the bedroom and just tell him how you feel. Tell him that aren't trying to attack or make him feel bad that but it is really affecting the relationship and you need to get the issue resolved.


Best of luck to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 12:31pm

that's just it... we have had this discussion, multiple times... it gets better for a very short while.. but then reverts back to the same thing.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 1:13pm

Welcome to the board oliveoil23,


More times that not, men's libido is directly tied to how successful they feel in life which is their job/employment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 3:09pm

It also may be helpful to you, if you found out if his sex drive has always been like this. Did he have a higher sex drive with past partners, or was it always a problem for him? That may tell you, if it's just the way he is, or if it's related to stress alone.


But aside from that, if you want to get the spark back, you can't start with sex right off the bat. You need to go out on dates, spend quality time together where you're not fighting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 3:24pm

I think if you have had the same conversation over and over again then it would be time to make the hard decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 5:10pm

I have to agree with this advice.

If you've been fighting and fighting for what you want, and you still haven't gotten what you need in a relationship, then the answer isn't to keep on fighting. It's to leave the relationship. Of course it will be difficult because you moved across the country for one another, but my instinct from this post says that you're not going to get what you want from this guy and he doesn't have too much interest in giving it to you either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
Fri, 11-23-2007 - 1:14pm

I understand that response, but I am not ready to give up quite yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 4:22pm

I wish I could share with you how many women here thought that a little note or "I'm sorry" or "I'll promise to do better" was the turning point in their relationship when everything would magically get better.

It doesn't. You'll learn that the hard way. But good luck...