Future Abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Future Abuse?
6
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 1:51am

Hi,


My boyfriend of 3 years just told me that he got into an argument with his parents and had grabbed his father by the shirt and yelled into his face and had spit on his mom. Im shocked, but I have seen him throw things when angry before. I have always heard that the way a man treats his mother is the way that he will treat u someday. When we argue, it always ends up being "my" fault, and he recently pressured me into canceling my facebook and myspace acounts and doesn't like my parents. I'm wondering if these all could be signs of an future abuser? He also wants to get married this summer--I wasn't ready yet but after threatening to break up with me I consented, and somehow believed that was actually what I always wanted to do. I would love to hear advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: lish19
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 7:09am

"I'm wondering if these all could be signs of an future abuser?"
Yes. A thousand times yes.

Threatening to break up with you if you don't marry him is trying to control you.

At this point... He needs you to be with him because you put up with him. And it would be hard to find another woman who would accept this situation.

I'm afraid that if you don't leave this relationship ASAP then you will end up hurt and not just emotionally. Please look at the big picture here, he's an angry person who will drag you down with him. Someone who could treat his own parents that way has some serious, serious problems that should not be forced upon someone else - like you.

You will thank yourself if you leave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: lish19
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 12:29pm

Welcome to the board lish19,


Yes, those are BIG HUGE RED flags. If he is willing to treat his parents that way he would likely be willing to treat anybody else in the same abusive, disrespectful manner.


I would seriously reconsider getting married to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: lish19
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 12:29pm
Thank you, I seem to just need to hear it from other people to believe it and know that I'm not just crazy or something for thinking that. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: lish19
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 1:03pm

Welcome to the board lish19,


You've already gotten excellent advice, I just wanted to give you some reading material to consider:


Do Not Talk To, Touch, Marry, or Otherwise Fiddle with Frogs, by Nailah Shami


Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis


Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lish19
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 3:58pm

Be very careful. This does not sound good. You should never, ever get married due to being pressured. He sounds as though he has a serious anger and impulse control problem and is quite dominating and threatening to you. Before I married someone like this, I would see a therapist and talk all of this over. There are many serious warning signs here and you should not overlook them. Yes, the way he treats his mother and original family, is repeated over and over, unless he goes into therapy and works his issues out. This behavior is especially repeated with a new wife. Be very careful. Get some professional help on how to handle the situation and make a choice that is healthy for you.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
In reply to: lish19
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 4:43pm
I wanted to post to tell you, he is not a future abuser. he is an abuser.