Future husband and family does it mix?
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Future husband and family does it mix?
| Thu, 04-22-2004 - 3:33pm |
Whew where to start. I met a wonderful man about a year ago. We are planning on getting married really soon. There are some problems that are starting to develope as far as my family is conserned. He moved down to be with me about 3 months ago. Quit his job and basically made the sacrafice to come down here because my parents thought if he was really serious about us getting married that is what he should do. We made arrangements for him to stay with a friend of the family. Which now I see as a big mistake. While he was trying to look for work all that I heard from my family is about how lazy he was. This is what the friend was telling my parents. He started working part-time for a little while so at least he was working. Then he quit because he was treated very badly. So we were at square one again. All the while my parents kept treating him different. My mother actually told him that if he is not working he should not eat. Then about 2 weeks later he found a really good job that would support him. In the mean time my family and me would get into really big fights because they would constantly try and tare him down and ofcourse I would step in and argue to defend him. Did I mention that the friend that he was living with was my sister's boyfriend. Whew big mistake. Even though he is working now he will be moving out on his own in a couple of weeks. Which will be a big relief. Now my soon to be husband had put up these walls with my family because of how he has been treated. I don't blame him for that. I need some advice on how to deal with all of these family problems and be there to support him in everything to. I just want everyone to get along and be happy. I want them to see how happy that he makes me. This whole issue with the family is starting to cause problems between us. I hope that once he has his own place he will be happy again and feeling like himself and we can move on with our lives. I just need advice on how I can get everyone to get along if that is even possible. Sorry this is so long. Any advice will be appreciated.
Thanks
Nicole

I think your family has way too much influence in your life. They 'decide' if he's serious he should move closer to you. Now that he's here, they are bad-mouthing him.
What you will need to do is present a united front to your family. That means, you sit them down and tell them "I know you love me very much and want what is best for me. You raised me to be respectful and courteous to people so this is really hard to say, yet, I feel I must. I have not appreciated the bad-mouthing and stories about 'fiance' and I am here to say that if it continues that I won't be visiting you, until you can be respectful and be courteous in return, period.
You have to train them. This is not open for discussion. They will try to defend themselves, sway you, etc.... you let it go in one ear and out the other - you repeat yourself - this is not open for discussion. You change the subject. You walk away. ONLY REWARD respectful and courteous behavior.
Carrie