Future mother in law

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Future mother in law
6
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 1:40am

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. We have a new baby boy he is just 3months old. From the beginning of our relationship we have been agruing a lot about his mother. I feel that his mother loves him so much that she doesn't want him to grow up away from her. She control him and now me! Every time when I talk to my boyfriend anything about his mother he gets offended. We just got into a big fight because of his mother. I don't know if I should continue with this kind of relationship? what about my baby future? I told him that I think it is best for us to not be together. I have been trying to make thing work time after time. It is really hard to have a happy relationship w/ him, when I feel like anything about his mother good or bad can not be discuss.

What are your advices? Thank you for you serious consideration and sharing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 12:08pm

Welcome to the board soul5,


I think it would be really awful if you ended a relationship with him because of this mother. Can you give some examples of why you think she is so controlling. I also think it is normal for men to defend their mothers so I can see your bf getting upset if he thinks you are talking poorly about her. Maybe instead of ending the relationship you can go to couples counseling together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 12:13pm

Welcome to the board soul5 -


His mother is not going to change and the more you point out her faults, the more he's not going to hear you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 1:12pm

You have known about his mother and his reaction to her since you met so you know that he is not going to change. He will let her control him and anything you do or say is not going to change.

What you can do is what is best for your child. Stop fighting with your boyfriend about what you can not change. Stay away from his mother as much as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 1:21am

Thank you for all of yours replies.

I really have thought it over. It is awful action to do, if I end this relationship. First, my baby is innocent. Second, my boyfriend and I love each other. I didn't write a lot so I understand its hard to give advice. I think the biggest problem is that we are living in the same house with his mother. We are planning to move out as soon as I get back to work. Ever since that I have to live together with her I try to avoid her as much as possible because I don't want to get irritate by the words and things she does and start an agrument with her.

For examples why his mother is being control, she wants him to work at the place she wants, she wants him to live where she wants him to, and basically want to decide for his present and future. And she give us no privacy. Several times she comes into our room without knocking and just picked our baby out. She didn't give care if he was sleeping and if he was she will wake him up! When she does that my baby get upset and won't stop crying even if I try to calm him down. But the part where I am upset the most is that when she doesn't like something about me she would tell my boyfriend and he will start a fight with me!

However, I have talked to my boyfriend. I agreed not to talk about his mother faults. I also told him that if she have any problem about me she should tell me not him.

I don't know if me and his mother can ever get along...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:49pm
I am sorry you are going through this with his mother. She does sound very controlling. Try to stick it out the best you can until you are able to move out. Then you will your privacy back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 1:00pm
I was with my husband for 9 years. I had problems with his mom from day one and it never got better. Eventually it was part of the reason we divorced. You have to decide if you can deal with her for the rest of your life. He has to stick up for you and put you first or it will never work and you will always hate her. My ex-husbands mom would try to control him the same way. Try to get us to buy a certain house, do things the way she wanted, she even would make doctors appointments for him. After 9 years of her trying to compete with me & him putting her first I decided I could not do it anymore. I wish you all the luck in the world & I hope it gets easier.