Getting Engaged- Disappointed
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Getting Engaged- Disappointed
| Tue, 07-13-2004 - 10:30am |
I would really like some advice. Growing up at my parents I was a pretty spoiled child, I got a lot of what I wanted. When I decided to move in with my bf everything changed and reality hit big time. A year later I still have some problems adjusting. I love my bf very much and we have been talking about getting married and everything which we both want to do. The problem is, is that I can't seem to get them image out of my head of the so-called "perfect" engagement/wedding plans. The type of ring that I want is not what he can afford. We've gone to look at rings a few times and he wants to get me the ring I want but can't right now. I figured to just wait until he afford something nice, but he wants to get engaged right now. I just can't help but feel disapointed. I don't want to and Im trying to be happy about it because its suppose to be about love and the fact that he wants to marry me. I think there maybe a part of me that just wants to show off the nice ring- but who doesn't. The other thing is that Im 20yrs old and I don't think that I should have to settle for anything right now and I don't want to be stereotyped of the "too young to get married/can't afford it/being stupid" type of looks and everything. Someone please help, Why am I feeling this way, I don't want to!!!!

Pianoguy thinks your problem is conflict. You're trying to decide if "material issues" are more important than the emotional ones. Tough call when you've been pampered by your parents during the formative years. BUT TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST...
It sounds to me like YOU AREN'T READY to become a bride, wife and (maybe) a mom? And if this is the case...HOLD OFF ON ANY DECISION CONNECTED WITH MARRIAGE!
Most couples who are on a limited budget know the meaning of "compromise"--and are willing to do without 100% perfection because they want to be together! You seem to be more self-conscious about stereotypes, the perfect ring and other issues. Worrying about what other's will say or think will only make YOU sick!
If the wedding ring is a big deal...make an arrangement with your b/f that within 5 years, you can select something more elaborate. But don't be surprised if you end up using the extra money for new clothes or a bicycle....especially if you have a rugrat or two in the house!
Keep in mind that you can be "on your own" indefinitely...but the minute you decide to share your life with someone else...you can't keep your single lifestyle too!
Pianoguy
MB
He loves you, wants to be engaged to you, wants to marry you, and you instead want a material ring of specific specifications and anything less than brings disappointment. How sad. The ring you 'just gotta have' could be a 1 yr, 5 yr or 10 yr anniversary gift.
You cannot put a price tag on love. I've known so many people that get upset when everything doesn't go perfectly according to their idea of perfect without realizing that every oops, every funny thing that happens, etc. is what goes into making the experience for them unique.
Carrie
Pianoguy hopes the 2 of you have had an honest discussion about income and the expenses you'll face together as a couple? If not...MAKE TIME AND HAVE AN HONEST TALK WITH EACH OTHER!
Fiancial problems are usually one of the first things that can break up a marriage.
You still have issues with maturity and materialism---and unless you can put the "petty crap" and "the expensive desires" aside...you might as well remain "A SINGLE GIRL" for a little while longer.
Pianoguy