Getting married in 2 weeks, fiancee may be cheating

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2011
Getting married in 2 weeks, fiancee may be cheating
14
Wed, 10-26-2011 - 8:02pm

I am engaged to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003

Beth, my heart goes out to you!

I don't know if I have any advice, other than to confront your fiancee'. Don't give him the chance to back pedal, print out everything you've found so that he knows you're not just fishing. You don't say what your feelings are on cheating, ie. if it's a deal breaker or not. There are women who forgive, and there are women who walk...however, if you decide to walk...this is what I would like to see....

The fiance needs to fork over EVERY SINGLE DIME that has been spent thus far..then you need to go see a lawyer (the initial consult is frequently a no charge visit) and get your ducks in a row. To all intents and purposes you ARE already married....and as such you are entitled to, at the very least, child support....and perhaps even alimony.

No one can tell you whether to stay or leave, that unfortunately is your call to make. I don't want you to make the mistake of thinking to yourself...but I can't leave, what about the children!? He will have to support them regardless...no ifs, ands, or buts!!!

My heart goes out to you & your children...it really does.Please take care of YOU, ok?

benska

P.S. I would also make a doctor's appointment ASAP to be tested for any & all STD's. Awful to think about, I know...but it's not something that can be schluffed under the rug, you know?

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Save and print out the emails for your own record for evidence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 12:08am

What's worse.........being humiliated by calling off the wedding, or

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 10:08am

I'm inclined to agree with fissatore... I assure you that if you go through with this party (that's all a big wedding is... A big party) you will kick yourself and wonder WHY you didn't stop yourself before you signed the marriage certificate.

You have some pretty strong evidence. I agree, print out the Emails.

You will not be saving yourself any humiliation or grief by calling off the wedding now. I would confront your ex-fiancee ASAP and let him know that HE can be the one to make all the phone calls telling your guests that the wedding is cancelled.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 10:42am

I think the first important step for you to take is to acknowledge what your stance is on him cheating. - Is cheating forgivable? Is the relationship over?

The second step is to confront him. I wouldn't print out the emails. Aside from the fact that it's illegal to be in someone else's email account, you don't need the emails to let him know that you saw them and let him know that you know he's cheating. This confidence goes back to the first step in you having already decided what your stance is. Besides, would he really sit there and tell you that you didn't see those emails and you imagined it?! If he would actually resort to that, then that would seal it even more from my side that it's over. Printing out the emails makes it easier on him, not you.

Third step, make sure the wedding is called off immediately. (Please don't go through with the wedding. You will regret it. ) Definitely put the task in his hands of dealing with canceling and paying your dad back. Don't feel guilty-- this is not your fault---he messed things up, not you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 11:20am

"Aside from the fact that it's illegal to be in someone else's email account"

Please tell me what law says this? I don't think that's true. Admittedly I am not a lawyer, but I am a systems administrator for a firm that has to abide by a lot of legal regulations regarding Email policies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 11:54am

I'm no expert either, but agreeing to company policy/terms of employment is different than what can be seen as hacking an email account. Didn't someone in the news just get arrested for hacking email accounts of celebrities? I also recall a case where an ex-wife was taken to court by an ex-h over hacking his account (and he was actually cheating).

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 12:35pm

"agreeing to company policy/terms of employment is different than what can be seen as hacking an email account"

Let me be clear. I need to provide reasonable proof that I've taken safeguards to prevent my employees' Email accounts from being accessed from someone other than themselves. If an employee decides to leave his/her Email account open and unattended in a public or semi-public place, I am not liable for whoever reads their Email, and the burden of responsibility falls on the person whose negligence caused sensitive information to be accessed. In the case of celebrities, their accounts were found to have reasonable safeguards and the person doing the hacking was found to be at fault for malicious intent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 12:37pm

I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008

Thanks for your insight.

I don't know the OP and her husband's relationship dynamics - whether or not he would try to make a legal case out of it. The situation is emotionally difficult enough without unneeded risk that he would also be highly agitated she was in his account and make a legal case out of it. Again, I personally wouldn't risk it, but it would be for the OP to assess.

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