Getting my ex back

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Getting my ex back
5
Wed, 06-11-2008 - 4:24am

So here's the story. We've dated for about 6 years and he broke up with me 2 months ago. He's 29, I'm 24 if that matters. He said that we were very different from each other and that he was not ready to live with me and marry me. It's not that there was any pressure from me. He said he wants to be alone and see how is life without being together. He said that sometimes during our relationship, he wasn't feeling good and wanted to run away but couldn't do it because he had hoped that everything

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 06-11-2008 - 7:33am

He's told you it's over, just because you want to be with him doesn't make him want to be with you. Melissa, he misses you because that's normal after a 6 year relationship, and he realizes that, but he still would rather not be in a relationship with you.

He left because he's almost 30, he dated you for most of his 20s decade, and he still does not feel the drive to marry you.

By now he knows if you're "the one" or not and he's told you that you're not.

I know how difficult it is to end a long-term relationship. I haven't been in your shoes before but I have been in his, even when things aren't bad, if in your heart you know that it isn't going to end in marriage you know that you also must do the right thing and end it.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. There are several stages of grief when experiencing a loss, and it 100% applies to a significant breakup. In the end, you will find acceptance and that is the most important thing.

There is a board here called "breaking up is hard to do" that may offer you some good support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 06-11-2008 - 10:54am
As weird as this is going to sound, you are taking this too personally. Think big picture here. This is a guy in his twenties who has spent his adolescent years with you (adolescence goes until 23) and needs to date and be single before he settles down. You are immediately wondering what you did wrong, if there is another woman, etc. I understand you want to figure out a reason but just realize that he is being honest and I agree with what he is sayiing. He
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-11-2008 - 11:26am

The two of you are quite young and have been together for a long time, given your age. It's understandable that he would want some time to feel how it's like to be alone and perhaps also have an opportunity to meet others. It's hard to make such a big decision about your entire life when you haven't had a chance to discover yourself or the world in many ways.


I think it's a good idea for you to stop calling. Give him his time and space. You don't want him to feel trapped in a relationship. You want him to know it's right. And, also, the same goes for you. Take this time for yourself as well. I know how hard it must be, but expand your own vistas. Make new friends, take on new interests, and explore the world out there. If the two of you still want to be together after time passes, after you both have time alone and time to explore, then it will certainly be right for the long run.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 06-11-2008 - 1:30pm

Welcome to the board melissa_666,


I agree, give him space. Let him miss you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 11:53am

Thank you very much for posting. I really appreciate it!!!