getting scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
getting scared
4
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 8:43pm

I've been with my BF almost 9months now. I am 28, he is 25. I've come from much heartache not too long ago (right before current bf) and still hold some insecurities with me (trying to work on it).

ANyway, our relationship has been great- he makes me so happy, loves me, does what he can for me etc. He has told me I am the best relationship he has had and the most healthy too. (The age thing worries me from time to time because I have been in long relationships before & he not so much). He said I am the most serious gf he's had as well and has never spent so much time with anyone. He even told me he could see marrying me someday. About everyy 8 weeks or so- he needs his "space". I respect that, it's usually after spending almost a week straight together. He gets a little distant, but always calls a few times a day & tells me he loves me. THis happened last week for 3days then we got together & everything was great again. I know this is a normal male act- and a healthy one, so I try to be understanding about it (& I sometimes need my space to do my thing as well). After last week's time, when we got together he even said "One of the reasons that I love you & our relationship so much is that when I just need to do my thing (play games, go to gym, watch tv) you let me and never nag me."

Ok- so we spent a wonderful weekend together & got even closer. Now, he is away for work for almost 2 weeks for training (got a new job). It was hard leaving each other at the airport. It's only been 4days now & I am feeling a little neglected. I know he is superbusy and calls maybe twice a day just for a few minutes. I am used to him calling me like 4x a day & texting me too. So, I miss him. Today, I didn't hear from him & finally at 2pm I texted him "hey stranger" and he texted back- he was in his training class. He asked how I was doing & if everything was ok. I wrote back "Yes, just haven't heard a peep from you all day". He apologized saying it's been crazy busy & he had this big presentation to do this morning etc. I just wrote back "Ok, I will let you go then". He called me like 15min later when he was on a 10min break and said "Please don't leave messages like that, you are making me feel really guilty. I've been so busy- it's been a crazy day." I said OK and he said he would call me later... he hasn't still, but usually calls me at like 10pm anyway (it's 8:30pm now).

I also started a new job this week (which he surprised me with roses & champagne when I found out I got it) and have been having some friend issues. I guess I feel I need him a little to listen to me right now. I just feel like he's so busy he doesn't have time. I sometimes feel like his life overshadows mine. I know he's busy training & all, but I have alot going on too..... and I don't want to bring this up on the phone & get into an agruement or something because he's stressed out & the distance right now.

Am I overreacting?? Am I being needy??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kbi22
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 9:31pm
He's super busy. He's calling you twice a day or more. You are texting back and forth. What more is it you want? He has a career. He's showering you with gifts to celebrate something that was big for you. Lay back and chill. Let him have his career. Don't hang on so tight that you choke the life out of him. Then he'll be gone. If you can't do this, maybe a little counseling to help you sort out what's a normal, healthy relationship would help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: kbi22
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 9:35pm

Welcome to the board kbi22,


You wrote:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
In reply to: kbi22
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 10:53pm
He sounds like a nice guy and he seems honestly really busy. Take it easy. Get busy with other things and give him his space. Go our with your girlfriends. I would love to have a guy who calls me or text messages me while he is away on business. Just don't pressure him into giving more than he can right now. It seems he is truly making an effort.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
In reply to: kbi22
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:43pm
Your boyfriend sounds really nice. Not to be rude, but you are sounding a little needy. You have a good thing going and try to focus on that. Don't count the number of times he calls you etc. Go out with a girlfriend, rent a movie, or read a good book. Enjoy yourself, when your boyfriend gets back take him out the celebrate his new job.