Girl from my boyfriends work keeps texting him, should I worry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Girl from my boyfriends work keeps texting him, should I worry?
12
Fri, 11-04-2011 - 5:13pm

Hello everyone, I am having a dilemma that I need help with.

My boyfriend of 5 years started working at a hotel 6 months ago.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think if you have been dating your BF for 5 yrs and he's never cheated on you, I would really wonder why you trust him so little that you are jealous.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

This woman is socially isolated and needs friends. She allows her emotions to be in a safe place, work.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004

Thank you for your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Seems odd that she'd start crying when he told her he just wants a work friendship with her. My guess is that she has some kind of thing for your BF.
I think if she's texting him all the time and it bothers you then you should tell you don't find it appropriate. Maybe ask him how he'd feel if you were always texting some guy at work. It may come down to what's more important to him, your relationship and doing something that upsets you or his friendship with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

What you're really saying is that you don't trust your b/f.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009

If she's texting your boyfriend while she knows he's with you, and he's texting her back.... I'd be more mad at him.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

IMHO, what you should be mad at is your boyfriend not being able to set boundaries.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Ain't that the truth. My H has an i phone and is always checking that thing for e mails, texts etc. I think it's an addiction to electronic stimulus. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008

I believe that if it's that much of an issue for you and he won't stop, then there's definitely something wrong. It sounds like she is having an emotional affair with him, and that he's enjoying it too. If you tell him that, he'll probably get very defensive, because the attention they give each other is something they're both enjoying.

Maybe you should ask him what he would do if you were getting X number of texts a day from a man. I would definitely put a number on it: it's easy for him to minimize what's happening and sometimes it's good to hear it in stark terms. Ask him what he would want you to do. Probably the best thing is for them to quit talking completely, but I don't think that's going to happen, so maybe he can come up with something reasonable like one text a day to check in and that you ALWAYS go with him when they are meeting outside of work. It won't stop it, but it may help put some perspective on it. I'm assuming from your post that he's letting you look at all the texts? - That needs to continue, but don't think it means that there isn't strong emotional connections starting between them. It's actually a great way for them to continue while saying to you, "See, nothing is happening."

The danger here, IMHO, is first of all that, as you fear, this could be a stepping stone to something romantic. The more immediate issue is that he is putting attention, time, and thought into a relationship with her that he should be putting into a relationship with you. I'm not saying that he should spend every minute thinking about you or that he shouldn't have friends outisde that he spends time with, but it seems that this has crossed the lines into more than a usual friendship.

And, btw, no surprise she hugged you. The kinder she is to you, the better she looks around your BF. Not sure she really thought of that, but I think instinctually she would known how to make things look good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

You're way too possessive and jealous, which would work if you were dating a guy who didn't want female friends. The problem is that your boyfriend doesn't want to live by your nonsense rule that he isn't allowed to be friends with a female. If you put a tight leash on a man, make him feel like he isn't free to make his own choices, he will come to resent you and your relationship will probably end if he ever grows a spine.

Your BF is telling you that he's sick of being leashed, that he isn't cheating on you or undermining your relationship by keeping a friend who is female, and you can either be upset about it, learn to live with it, or leave. Maybe you need to stop using the word "jealous" to define yourself and look at WHY

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