Girlfriend for 6 years left me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2007
Girlfriend for 6 years left me
10
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 9:50pm

Im going to try and make this short. My girlfriend and I have been together since our senior year of high school. We have been through alot. She has been working 2 jobs and going to school full time for the past 5 years and I have been there to make sure she doesnt self destruct.

I have been in school off and on for the past couple years. I have also switched jobs a couple times.

Well about June of last year she told me she started having feeling for a co-worker. Now let me say that we only got to see each other for an hour or 2 a night becuase of both us in work and school and she got to see this guy for 6 -7 hours every night she worked with him. Well I decided to look past it but we still have not had time to be together because she is always working and going to school.

Well every since then Ive been so paranoid and I ask her all the time if she is talking to this guy and second guess where she said she has been. I understand that was bad. Also a couple years ago I hurt her by playing a game all the time. But I have now sold everyone of my games.

On Monday she left me. She said she needed some time apart and I understand that. I also just started to bust my butt. I joined a gym got an awesome job and am back in school. The guy she has feeling for is back for another week and a half. She said as soon as he leave back to Iraq that we can started hanging out alot. She said not all the time but alot to see if the feelings we used to have would come back. Also I went up to her work and gave her our prom picture (because that was the first night we made love) and told her to remember the times when we didnt have all the work and school and I also gave her the resized promise ring that I gave her for Easter. She actually took both of them gave me a hung and said she loves me. Now she is a tom boy so jewelery isnt her cup of tea and every time we get off the phone she says I love you.

Basically I just want some advice from people that have been in relations and maybe situation like this and tell me that it has a decent chance of working. She measn the world to me and I know she is the one for me. I love her so much.

And also I talked with her sister and she has said int he past year this other guy has already pissed her off multiple times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 2:16pm

Welcome to the board matwithonet,


So what exactly has been going on with these other guy? Why can you start seeing each other more after he leaves?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 2:40pm
Well I know they have kissed. And she is a very catholic girl and has promised me they havent had sex. She says she just wants to spend time with him because he is going back to Iraq for a year. And they have been friends for quite a while now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:32pm
You still want to
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 6:04pm
She's technically not cheating. We are on a break. But to tell you the truth even if I found out she did cheat I really think I would take her back because I love her more than anything. I would worship her if I could. She is my everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 6:22pm

Hi matwithonet,


My personal opinion is that she's not ready for a long-term full-time relationship. She likes, make that LOVES the attention she's gotten from the other guy and if she's waiting for him to leave to start hanging out with you, then she's probably not told him that she's still in contact with you.


Sorry you are going through this.




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 7:11pm
Well see I would agree but I have talked to this guy. He says that they are just friends and that if we get back together while he is in Iraq than thats good. I have also talked to a couple of my close friends that hang out with them and say that they hang out like friends shoiuld with now hunging and kissing. Its all very confusing for me. And Ill tell you the truth I think our relationship can make it through anything I love her more than anything in this world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 7:09am
What do you mean she's not cheating because you're on a break? You said she left you Monday. Things didn't start with her and this guy on Tuesday. She was cheating before. If cheating is ok on a break, then that would mean she could call it quits every time she meets someone interesting, "not cheat", and then come back to you later if she gets bored because you're going to just wait and take her back no matter what. She's obviously not feeling the slightest bit committed to you so you should accept that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 4:41pm
In order for your relationship to work you both have to love each other and want to fix things. Not just you. She has to be as into the relationship as you are. Relationship can't be one sided and work.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 5:17pm

IMO she is stressed! Before my DH and I got married we were both in college and both worked. He struggled with school so doing homework took up a lot of our "free time"

During that time we almost broke up many times. We fought a lot, were always stressed and never got a day to just have fun. Everything was either work or school. I was pretty sure at the time we would never make it but we struggled through and when it was all over we got back to being the couple we knew we were meant to be. We started to have fun again as a couple.

The high stress was gone and now we are married and happy. I would try talking to her and see if she wants to work things out. Maybe try and plan time for fun stuff, just the two of you.

We never wanted anyone else during the time and maybe she doesn't really either but he for her is something fun and new, which during a stressful time can be tempting.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2007
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 7:42pm
I see it the same way you do. I have decided for the next week not to even try and contact her or see her and see if she misses just being able to talk to me. Maybe what she needs first is to see how much she misses me. Then even she has said that we have all summer to try and work things out.